It's That Time Again!

That's right folks, it's time for another lazy random thought post. You should try it sometime. It requires very little effort but it's guaranteed to get a good response. Sure, I could take the time to write out a whole post on each thought, but who has that kind of time? My time is precious. If I wasted all day writing on here, how would I ever have time to be bored to tears sitting at my desk???


Why weren't busses evacuating people before all the flooding happened.

Once, when I was at Disneyland, I was talking on my cellphone trying to find out where the brickwife and her sister were. At the same time I was walking in a really crowded area. Since my phone was up to my ear, my elbow was sticking out. I totally clocked some little kid in the head with my elbow when I turned around. I felt bad.

I forgot to say, last week, that at our wedding reception, Maggie and I danced our first dance as a married couple to Led Zeppelin's Thank You, off of II. It was the only part of the wedding that made her uncle the wannabe rock star cry. Also, we didn't get the CD back from the DJ, but that was okay because we both owned it. See? We were made for each other.

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not after you.

I think that high-heeled shoes are stupid. I mean, they're so uncomfortable, yet I feel that I am required to wear them. Stupid stilettos.

If wishes were fishes.......Umm, what? Does anybody know the second half of that saying? If wishes were fishes than I would live in an aquarium? If wishes were fishes I wouldn't do the dishes? Help me out here.

This blog is unbelievably vain and poorly written, yet somehow she got a book deal. This just reinforces my decision to never, ever write a book that started as material from my blog. That is for hacks and narcissistic hosers. Sorry, but that includes you too James. If I'm going to write a book it'll be some post-apocalyptic survival tale about hedgehogs. Publishing companies: if you like that idea, let me know. I'll need $500,000 up front though. P.S. Stephanie Klein, please don't sue me.

Do you think airline companies will ever have a fare system that makes sense? I mean, I feel like trying to by a ticket is like playing roulette!

I wish you could buy stock in things like "Rabid anti-Bush people will blame the hurricane, flooding, and looting on him."

Sometimes, at work, I like to take Scotch tape and wrap it around my fingers. I have no idea why I do this.

If I had a dollar for every time I had sixty cents, I would be Canada.

Why do gas prices rise so much so quickly? Doesn't it make more sense for them to rise whenever the station gets a new shipment of gas? I mean, they already paid for the gas in their storage tanks, so why do they still charge more for that stuff?

Tadabor Day is a Labor Day.

I've had my watch for almost three years and the battery still hasn't died! I'm pretty happy about that.

Do you ever get the feeling that, in the corporate world at least, deliberate obfuscation and reliance on excessive prose are the hallmarks of "good," "professional-sounding" writing?

Once, when I was in kindergarten, I was playing on the balance beam after a rain storm and I fell off and landed in the mud. I was really bummed that my favorite maroon corduroy pants were unwearable for the rest of the day. My mom was probably bummed that she had to come to my school to bring me new pants.

So, for Levi's baptism, several of my in-laws are coming out. It should be fun, but I don't know what to do with a couple of old weirdos. Maybe I'll just leave that up to Maggie and her sister.

My dream job would be to move back to the pacific northwest and open up a craft brewery in the mountains. How sweet would that be? Anybody want to join me?

My second dream job is to be a Major League Umpire.

I want to learn how to play the piano, anybody want to give me lessons? And buy me a piano?

I'll never be really good at the piano, though. Or the guitar for that matter. My fingers are too fat and short. I'm serious, ask me to show you some time.

Burning Man has to be the all time stupidest waste of time and money ever. Just because you drive into the Nevada desert, do drugs, walk around naked and burn stuff does not make you any less of a corporate drone.

This weekend, I'm making some really awesome chicken wings for a party. I don't mean to brag, but they are the best wings ever.

I love pizza Friday!

I bet the world's first fly swatters were nothing more than some sort of flat striking surface on the end of a stick.

Once, during the summer before seventh grade, my friend Ben and I thought it would be a good idea to lay on the roof of my family's shed and get a tan. Instead of tanning, though, I got the worst sunburn of my life. It hurt to wear a shirt.

It is impossible to talk about the Lord of the Rings trilogy without sounding like a total nerd. Watch. "So then, Gandalf the Wizard rides his superhorse Shadowfax across the realm of Gondor to Minas Tirith. When he gets there, he can see that Denethor, the steward of the king, has lost his mind due to the influence of the evil lord Sauron. Meanwhile, back in Rohan, the horselords are preparing to ride to battle against an army of orcs." I mean, I can see the room I would have in my parents basement. If my parents had a basement.

Here is a list of things I did my senior year of high school in no particular order: started dating my future wife, went to my first formal dance, starred in my schools version of The Crucible, got mono, was named a National Merit Scholar, applied and was accepted at only one college, stopped playing in the marching band, acted as the student body treasurer, did the announcements over the intercom at school every day, almost played varsity tennis, got grounded for going to the annual Walk for Life, went on a trip to Chaco Canyon, New Mexico, scored a higher combined total on my IB tests than anyone in school history, learned how to play Dust in the Wind on the guitar, stressed so much about a test that I got sick, participated in the Apple Bowl, and graduated as valedictorian. What. A. Nerd. Good thing I have Maggie to tone things down a little.

Look at that smug little nerd. "Ooh, I'm so smart and I wear stupid ugly clothes to look even dorkier." Sometimes I think that if I could go back in time, the first thing I would do is punch the younger me in the stomach and tell him to shape up.