Thursday, January 31, 2008

If Beggars Were Choosers

Do you ever have one of those days? You know the ones that I'm talking about. The days where you sit there all day worrying about the pieces of your skull that are going to get ripped out tomorrow? Yeah, that's the kind of day I'm having.

But on a lighter note, I started reading The Population Bomb yesterday. I'd bet a million dollars that the malthusian disaster theories that are popular now will be as far off as the massive global famines were in the 1970's. But maybe not. I don't have a million dollars anyway.

I've always wanted to try to deep-fry a turkey.

Yesterday, I ate 4 pieces of toast for dinner. It was crunchy and warm.

It's true that if you throw up at the same time you sneeze puke goes shooting out your nose. Also, you can briefly see the infinity of universes that exist in parallel, but it's not nearly as cool as it sounds.

Guess what! I get to drive to Iowa next week!

I'm getting tired. I'm forgetting why.

Bad Photetry Thursday: Oops

Bad Poetry Thursday: Just Sitting Here Resting My Bones

A Far Off Land

How many times must a man walk down the same road
Before he realizes He's been down this road before?
We've been over this ground before.
We've always been over this ground.
This time I swear it's different.
I'm breaking new ground here.
I'm going somewhere.
I'm shooting for the stars.
I'm going to make, just you wait and see.
I'm the great hope.
Watch me as I fall.
I'm breaking new ground here.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

You'll Start a War

Maybe it's just me, but toilet paper isn't supposed to be translucent, is it?

Maybe it's just me, but what the hell is a handbasket?

Maybe it's just me, but where's my tax refund?

Maybe it's just me, but didn't we expect something? Something better than before?

Maybe it's just me, but why is it so cold?

Maybe it's just me, but weren't you always weird?

Maybe it's just me, but I wish I could get over it.

Maybe it's just me, but sometimes I can't help myself.

Maybe it's just me, but WTF?

Maybe it's just me, but do you want a piece of pie?

Maybe it's just me.

Friday, January 25, 2008

The Return of The Roving Machinations of the Watching Movies and Then Pretending to Write Reviews that People Pretend To Read

Here are some brief Reviews of the movies I've watched in the last dickety-two days.

Treasure Planet - Like Treasure Island but IN SPACE! The blend of computer and traditional animation is a little offputting, but extraordinary in a way, since it seems like such an obvious idea but nobody else does it.
5 Pieces-of-8 out of 9

Treasure Planet - Better the second time through, "By tunder."

Casino Royale - Definitely the best James Bond movie starring Daniel Dubbleishsomething. I really like how they made torture and murder look bad. You don't see that every day anymore.
A Straight Flush

Treasure Planet - Okay, this is getting old.

Treasure Planet - When exactly is this movie due back to the library?

12 Monkeys - This one makes way more sense if you don't fall asleep in the middle of it and wake up when Bruce Willis is naked in WWI. By the way, if you've always wanted to see Bruce Willis naked and getting scrubbed down and naked in a filthy trench, this is the movie for you. Also, when you watch this movie you officially get bonus points if you point out that it was based on the 1960's French move La Jetee.
9 out of 12 Monkeys

Treasure Planet - .....

Control Room - A documentary about media coverage (specifically Al Jazeera) during the lead up to and beginning of Operation Iraqi Freedom: Persian Gulf First Blood Part II starring John Rambo? Snoozefest. Bombs, guns, dead journalists, bi-polar extremism, war is bad, the end. Interesting if only for the fact that it's fun to watch peoples' reactions to things they thought/believed/knew would never happen. But not that interesting.
11 gain knobs on a 32 channel sound board.

Treasure Planet - I give up. It's my new favorite! The centroid of the mechanism is important though, so at least I've got that going for me, which is nice.

Return of the Roving Machinations of the Giant Bottle of Rye

Just like most things that happen, the title of this post doesn't mean anything.
However, from time to time, something does mean something. Like yesterday, when I went to Costco. Going to Costco meant that I was one hundred and something dollars poorer and Dickety-two consumer items richer. It was quite enlightening to realize that.

So at least I've got that going for me, which is nice.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Bad Poetry Thursday: Dude, I'm Tripping Balls!

Said the Porpoise

In a lot of ways
A guitar string
Is like a cup tea.
Round tones and round handles
Reverberate in rounded chambers
A pluck can send a note soaring
and destroy the seeping bag.
The constant overbearing harmonies of
Black and green, of
Half and whole, of
Sustain and influenza, of
Black and tan
Can calm the noble savage.
And aggravate the ignoble savant.

The Miracle of Flight

The other day I was just doing my usual thing, you know, driving home from work when I saw something that literally made me fall out my chair. Well, not literally, but figuratively literally. I couldn't literally fall out of my chair because there was a door to my left and a stick shifter control knob thingy to my right. But anyway, I figuratively literally fell out of my chair because I saw this dude just walking along on the side of the road! By the Buffalo Wild Wings at 26 and the Van Dyke Expressway! Who does that??? I almost rolled down my window and asked him if he needed a ride. I didn't though, because it was pretty cold out there and nice and warm inside my car. I didn't want to let the warm out. Global warming is bad enough as it is.

Blahd Blahetry Blahday

When Walking by The Lumber Store on A Snowy Evening

I think that I shall never see
A box full of free wood
that is useful to me.

A warp-ed piece of creaking pallet
And two panels of fiberboard
To nail together with a mallet
Would not make a very good stage.

If only two-by-fours were in there
I could build a tennis racket
If I also had strings and tape and
Other wood-shaping equipment.

All the wood in the world
Would not stop your innocence lost
from being found again and lost again.

Not even if all the wood in the world
Was free.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

What Was I Thinking?

Sheesh, I almost broke rule number 1 just now. That probably would have caused some sort of hilarious rift in the universe and I would have been transported to a parallel universe where everyone never breaks rule #1 except me.

That would rule.

Friday, January 11, 2008

Sixteen Tons, and What Do You Get?

So, I was reading this book the other day. It was pretty good.

Then, after I finished reading the book, I listened to a new CD. It was pretty good, too. Then I listened to it again and it was a little better.

After that, I went to work. It was pretty good.

After I got home from work, I went to some store or another. I was pretty good. Not as good as NOT going to the store, but better than eating a shit sandwich.

Then I started finishing another book. It was pretty good in a different way from the other book that I finished.

Then I went to work again.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Bad Poetry Thursday: I Used To Be Made Of Plastic

All four of these were written in the span of about...let me's 9:52.....29 minutes! So you know they must be totally friggin' awesome.

by The Landfill

The only thing I know of
That can't be recycled
Is a memory.
It just gets re-written
until its resemblance to the actual event
is tenuous at best.
It doesn't get recycled
Just forgotten.

The Sound of A Thousand Feet

by Podi A. Trist

A thousand feet
More or less
Are what you need to grind bones into bread
To tread the many miles to the office.
A thousand feet
Are stomping at the bit
and skidding lengthwise toward
the empty vat
that used to hold our bread
before we broke and ate our bones.

When Dogs Lie and Pigs Fly
by Total Nuclear Warfare

I saw a tinsel cat the other day
it adorned a tree of stone and twine.
I thought "what odd things are done with tinsel,
Nowadays, at least."
I also ate a trundle bed the other day
It was all that remained of yesteryear
And I was wont to see it gone.
It tasted of bad taste
and rotten cotton
and ancient hopes.
The mattress was too much for me
I couldn't finish.
Like many things
it was too soft
and full of hidden metal.
I lost an eye to jumping springs
and washed my hands of it forever.

11 O'clock on Thursday

by Alfred P. McMatoat

What light from yonder window breaks?
The glow of ten thousand glowing screens
of course.
What other light could make the world
so frightening and grotesque?
Blue glow is a haunting shade.
It never goes out.