Thursday, August 09, 2007

Phone My Family. Tell Them I'm Lost.


Books I read in the Last Few Weeks: Brief Reviews and Arbitrary Ratings


  1. Flow My Tears, The Policeman Said by Philip K. Dick – Like a bad episode of the Twilight Zone complete with “Where are they now???” epilogue.
    9 Cans of Miller Lite


  2. The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut – What I always thought a read-in-one-day book should be.
    9 out of 10 pieces of eight


  3. Player Piano by Kurt Vonnegut – I, for one, welcome our new machine overlords!
    9 buns out of a baker’s dozen


  4. Cat’s Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut – See the cat?? See the cradle????
    9 aces


  5. Terrorist by John Updike – It’s as if Mr. Updike, the magnificent writer of the Rabbit Angstrom stories, of which I have read none, went to the store for hackneyed characters and bought a few. Here they are:

    All the Middle-eastern characters: 5 terrorists, one CIA informer

    The one black woman: Whore

    The one black man: Pimp

    The one Jewish guy: short, depressive

    The one artist: flighty, slutty, bad mom

    The one Older American Wife: overweight, addicted to soap operas, has a cat

    The one Older American Spinster: scarily devoted to her job and boss

    9 pieces of sand out of some Alaskan beach.


  6. The Areas of My Expertise by John Hodgman – The book I would write if I had the time, imagination, keen wit and flair for the almost truthy that Mr. Hodgson does.
    9 facts in the whole book. Maybe less.


  7. The Pesthouse by Jim Crace – Not about post-apocalyptic America, set in post-apocalyptic America.
    9 sentences written in iambic hexameter per page.


  8. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by J. K. Rowling – Snape Kills Dumbledore!!!
    9 dead, 25 missing


  9. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J. K. Rowling – Deathly Hallows?? More like Deathly Harvests!
    9 chapters out of 10.