Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Just This Thing

The Top 14 Albums of 2008 (That I happened to download, purchase or otherwise hear)

  1. Dr. Dog – Fate
    In many respects, this album was a watershed moment for bands with the word “Dog” in their names. Not since Three Dog Night were in their heyday has a “Dog” banded sounded…well, so much like Three Dog Night. Not that that is a bad thing.

    Rating: A Sheepdog with a Brandy Barrel around its neck so you can make some eggnog when it comes to rescue from a vile mountainside retreat in the Andes.

  2. Vampire Weekend – Vampire Weekend
    It sounds like these white-shoe yupsters got kicked in the face by Paul Simon and then accidentally the whole African musical colonialism. Not that that is a bad thing. Any band that calls Bottleneck a “shitshow” is alright in my book. I hate those Bottleneck bastards.

    Rating: A werewolf weekday

  3. Okkervil River – The Stand Ins
    Even better than their 2007 masterpiece The Stage Names. Not that that is a bad thing. Probably my favorite of any of the albums in this list.

    Rating: Some outsider art by an artist who arguably kidnapped a kid

  4. Coldplay – Viva La Vida
    SMASH HIT 2008!! NUMBER 1 SUMMER JAM!!! Under investigation by the FBI for allegedly stealing tunes from The Creaky Boards and/or J. Satriani. Not that that is a bad thing.

    Rating: Dude, I just listen for the articles. I mean the production values. I don’t actually LIKE it, you know.

  5. Of Montreal – Skeletal Lamping
    I haven’t quite listened to the whole thing, but I can tell you without a doubt that it is the best concept album about a large, black, post-op transsexual in history. Also, Emusic? Yeah, about that claim that Of Montreal is similar to Neutral Milk Hotel? I think it only holds true if “similar” means that the guys in the bands know each other and they both have a word that starts with “M” in their band names.

    Rating: 185 bones out of a full skeleton

  6. The Secret Machines – The Secret Machines
    It’s got a kick-drum that won’t quit. Also there’s a pretty good, albeit short, total freakout on track 6.

    Rating: A machine that’s not exactly secret, just not well understood by most people, like an internal compression ignition combustion engine or something.

  7. Frightened Rabbit – The Midnight Organ Fight
    a. Pretty standard indie rock fare. I like when a song from this album comes up on random for whatever that’s worth.

    Rating: A+, if you like Scottish accents, Gefilte fish+ if you don’t.

  8. Port O’Brien – All We Could Do Was Sing
    I’ll be perfectly honest here: it’s really not that good. The first song and Pigeonhold are the best songs, so I’ve got that going for me, which is nice.

    Rating: Two nautical themed songs too many.

  9. The Rural Alberta Advantage – Hometowns
    Eh, it’s not bad. It’s nothing to write home to Alberta about, but I’ll still listen to it. However, the song Luciana totally needs to be remastered so that it’s listenable. Also, the Distillers song called Drain the Blood is better than TRAA’s song of the same name.

    Rating: Saskatchewan and Nova Scotia PUT TOGETHER!

  10. Shearwater – Rook
    Slow, relatively dull with way too much vibrato in the vocals. What else can I say, you know? Hm....the occasional glockenspiel is both soothing and soporific, if you’re into that sort of thing.

    Rating: > pawn, < bishop

  11. Bon Iver – For Emma, Forever Ago
    I don’t know if the story behind the recording of this record makes it better or worse than it actually is (something about a Wisconsin cabin in the middle of winter and ice fishing). Regardless of the story, it’s a pretty good album, but if you get a chance to see him (I think his name is Justin something) live, it’s totally way better. Also, Bon Jovi fans: DO NOT get your hopes up. Even though the names are similar, the music is not.

    Rating: A Bucket of ice-fish tacos.

  12. Fleet Foxes – Fleet Foxes
    I’m just listening to it right now, but I can tell from the cover and from the stuff other people have written about it that I’ll like it. I’m pretty predictable. I DO like the first five tracks at least.

    Rating: 8 out of 10 canine species.

  13. She & Him – Volume 1
    I got it in the mail yesterday. I’ll let you know.


  14. My Morning Jacket - Evil Urges
    Don't worry about the album name, it doesn't sound nearly that evil. What it does sound is AWESOME. I appreciate good musicianship. Especially when good musicians rock so hard and are not boring. This doesn't happen often.

    Rating: Evel Knievel Urges

Full Disclosure: There are exactly zero (0) albums released in 2008 that I own that do not also appear on the list above.


UPDATE: I would like to deny all rumors that I voted in the NPR listeners' poll for best albums of the year. It just LOOKS like I did. Hell, I don't even listen to NPR.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

When The Going Gets Tough....

I was totally going to write something today, and then I decided, "Nah."

But then I was all, "I don't know, maybe I should..."

So here it is...

I think the most important event that's occurred all year happened 10 days ago, and has gone largely unnoticed. The social, political and economic repercussions will probably be felt for decades, if not centuries. Basically, what happened was

Ah, never mind. I changed my again.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

List Tuesday: Carbonaceous

Names My Daughter Will Probably Not Have Even Though They Are Sophisticatedly Literaryish

  1. Rose of Sharon

  2. Goneril

  3. Billy Pilgrim

  4. Remedios

  5. Gomer

  6. Janet

  7. Margaret Thatcher

  8. Daisy (or Jordan)

  9. Callisto (this one is literary and astronomerary!)

  10. Beowulf

  11. Molly

  12. Ekwefi

  13. The Oldest Living Confederate Widow

  14. Bartleby

  15. Lady Macbeth

  16. Margaret Thatcher Part II

When Worlds Collide

So after years of putting it off, I finally bought myself a new computer on Saturday when it turned out that I needed one to finally finish the stuff I was doing for my sister. It's a white macbook, because if there's one thing I like about buying computers, it's paying extra for something pretty. I would be blogging this blog on it if I weren't sitting at my desk eating oatmeal for lunch. So it goes.

Anyway, I did finish the stuff for my sister. It was the first and most likely the last freelance graphic design work I've been paid for. You can see it here or here if you really want. Yay textbooks!

Friday, November 07, 2008

A Stitch in Time Saves Money

Thanks to all the hard work I've been doing I can finally relax and tell you all a story of yesteryear.

Once upon a time, I woke up feeling an uneasy combination of guilt, pride, fear, hope and pants. It was today, and the first question I asked myself was "why are my pants still on my body?" The second question I asked myself was "what am I so afraid of?" The third question was "Boy, I sure hope I can eat some fun-size Snickers today! I wonder if anybody will bring some to work in a bag full of other candies? The first answer was that I climbed into bed with my pants still on and fell asleep. The second answer was that the whole of my life lay before me like an open book, only instead of words leaping off the page, fire leaped off the pages.

Then I put the fire out and took a shower and went to work. Just like every other day save Saturdays, Sundays and election days.

The third answer was "yes."

Speaking of election days, I worked at town hall on Tuesday counting absentee ballots. I learned a lot of things about the way our democracy works. First of all, there are many stringent qualifications to be a team leader of the Absentee Voter Counting Board. They are
  • Age: 60+

  • Little to no basic math skills

  • Ability to consistently function incoherently

  • No sense of urgency or civic duty

At first I was all proud to be doing my part in our electoral process. Then, when I realized who actually operates our electoral process, I cried a few alligator tears. Then I counted some ballots and listened to people talk about their favorite subjects: TV, idiots, fear, TV again, celebrities, other idiots, and food. Hooray democracy!

Oh yeah. I'm going to be the father of a girl in another 20 weeeks, so I've got that going for me.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

Waltzer Wonderland

Oh yeah, I totally forgot what you had going for you, which was nice!

So I finished that book Rapture Ready. It was pretty good. A lot of it was a little ho-hum for someone more familiar than not with the subculture about which the book was written, but that's okay. There were a couple parts that made me laugh out loud IRL. Like the part in the introduction when the author is talking to some kid (a friend of his sister-in-law's or something) about the music at a Christian rock festival and the kid says something about how he doesn't need to listen to a lot of secular love songs because they're all, like, "Oh I love you and you left me so now I'm going to break into your house and cut your body into pieces!" In my opinion that would be, probably, the second worst love song ever. The worst love song ever is, obviously, We Built This City (On Rock and Roll)

Also, there's this funny part where the author conducts a fake interview of Alec Billy Stephen(?) Baldwin with all of Mr. Baldwin's responses to the questions pulled from some book that he wrote. I laughed, I cried, I finished the chapter and went on to the next.

If there's one thing I would change about the end of it (the part that that Maclaren dude said was so powerful) is that it was way too reasonable. If you're going to spend 200+ pages pointing out the absurdities of something, don't be so reasonable at the end. Don't be all "Oh, but really it's not that different and why can't we all just get along?"

All in all, though, I would recommend it. If you want to read you can just borrow it....from you local library!

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Bad Poetry Thursday: Chocolate Trap

Alphabeta Con-o-rama
by The Great Mulrooney III

I saw a campsite just yesterday
A fire still smoldered
The embers reflecting maroon, yellow, gold and grey
Perhaps a monk once sat there
Eating S'mores and spirits
He leaves the fire burning
But it doesn't mean anything.
It's not symbolism and it's not metaphorical
It's just a fire burning bright in the wilderness
Lighting up the night and then burning out.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

I Can Hit A Target Through A Telescope

Being as I am, I was hopelessly unaware of this band called Flobots who have this song called Handlebars. You've probably all heard it, it's the one that's all "I can ride my bike with no handlebars," and "I can keep the rhythm with no metronome," and "I can end the planet in a holocaust," or something like that. I'd heard people singing the first line about the handlebars and I just sort of assumed it was a cheesy nostalgia-heavy song about "wasn't it fun when we were kids?" But it's not. Instead it's a post-modern investigation of the dialectic of innocence and experience, an almost freudian examination of how our hubris and self-centeredness doesn't change so much in form, only in degree. It's a self-reflexive dia/monologue on the state of politics and our own complicity in the actions of others and the effects of those actions. Where is the line, the song asks, between power and purity? Between strength and delusion? Between confidence and conquest? Between my life and your death, or a billion deaths?

All in all it's probably the most pointed and devastating critique of modern culture to come out of the rap-rock genre (did I mention it's a rap-rock song? No? Oops.) since 1996 when The Bloodhound Gang released their seminal gutter-rap jeremiad "I Wish I Was Queer So I Could Get Chicks."

I Guess Maybe I'm Not Ready

So the other day I was reading something on the internet and I heard about this book called "Rapture Ready." I thought it sounded interesting so I went to my library's website (sorry, but I'll pay that $18 fine as soon as I can! Honest!) and put a hold on it. Then, the next day I went to pick it up. I was pretty excited because I always like to read an outsider's account of weird and popular subcultures (THEM by Jon Ronson is a great example) and I figured I was far enough removed from church and religiousness in general to find it funny yet non-condescending.

But then we got in the car and my wife read me the blurbs on the back. Two of them were good, but the third was written by.......wait for it........Brian Maclaren.

Just when I thought I'd finally escaped, there's that shiny bald head again. It's like you can't even throw a book without hitting a book either written or blurb by that dude. I know. I tried it when I got home. I hit a book blurbed and written by him.

Anyway, if I get around to reading the book, I'll let you know how it was, so you've got that going for you, which is nice.

Fifteen Four and A Double Run for a Doz

You totally won't believe this, well, maybe you will, but I totally played in my first ACC-sanctioned cribbage tournament last weekend. I got worked over like a iron horse shoe on a blacksmith's anvil. I went 8-14 with 17 points and 1 skunk. But I was about two standard deviations outside the mean in terms of age, senility and probably incontinence, so I had that going for me.

I'm going to try again in September and I'll let you know how it goes.

It will go exactly the same only hopefully with some more beers to calm my nerves.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Bad Photoetry Thursday: WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!

Adventure on the Hi(biscu)seas

I bought a tree the other day. Or maybe it's a bush, I can't really tell. I bought it at Costco so that I could have a tree and some flowers in my pine-paneled office in my trailer at work. Anyway, I started to think about how come I always want to buy new things and...well, we all know that no one wants to read about that tired topic.

Then, I read this interesting article and learned that my desire to buy new things ad infinitum was all just a deliberate corporate plot initiated about 90 years ago to make sure people didn't stop working and producing things because then they might actually get involved in civic life and the TPTB can't have that now.

It sure feels good knowing that my consumerism isn't at all my fault. Abdicating responsibility tastes like sweet juice squeezed from fresh endangered snozzberries.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Bad Photoetry Thursday: A Hole In My Head

Bad Poetry Thursday: A Metallic Sonata

Blasting Caps In Disarray

Golden handshakes
Gallium parachutes
Vanadium ice cubes
Copper disco flutes
Silver racks and pinions
Palladium keys
Beryllium flautas
Potassium willow trees
Manganese libraires
Magnesium lies
Sodium arc lights
Arsenic apricot pies
Lead mechanical pencils
Plutonium concrete walls
Einsteinium headphones
Bohrium missed calls
Francium death beds
Cesium picture books
Chromium asphalt
Calcium meat hooks.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Slight Modifications May Be Performed As Needed

So, according to the Wall Street Journal (among other sources), maybe I wasn't that far off 18 months ago when I first started worrying and was even less far off nearly a year ago. And all this time I thought that I was probably just letting my disillusionment, paranoia and anger run away with me.

The weirdest thing is that there is a decent chance I was ahead of the curve! I haven't been ahead of any curves since I was in college. And just like those curves, being ahead of this one will be monumentally meaningless.

But forgetting the real world and the actual state of human existence, wouldn't it be awesome if rabbits could talk?! I was telling my son a story last night in which he and some now-far-removed friends were playing baseball with a bunch (well, one rabbit named Bunkers, one cat named Ratatat and one lizard named Alfred) of talking animals. It sounded wicked fun. Except when he demanded that I end the story with a vicious snowstorm. I didn't like that part. What I particularly don't like about it is that it's still only April. Vicious snowstorms are decidedly not out of the picture yet.

And also, just because I haven't done it in a while: There are 10 links in this post

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Building a Foundation

So a friend of mine recommended some Isaac Asimov books to me and I went to a gigantic used book store (>1,000,000 books) and bought them: the original three Foundation "novels."

Let me say this: what they lack in grandiosity, they make up for with interesting characters. That is, there is absolutely nothing they lack in grandiosity and an absolute dearth of characters that you care about, or are really even interested in.

Maybe I should stop taking recommendations from a guy who doesn't read fiction. I'd tell him what I think about the books, but he's not here. He's in Peru tripping with some shamans. I'm not even making that up.


Earth Day 2008: The Phantom Menace

Did you know that today is Earth Day 2008? Well, I did. I remember because somewhere in my brain I've stored the fact that April 22nd is the day that I'm supposed to care about the earth The Earth. It's a lot like Grandparents' Day except that I remember when Earth Day is.

Anyway, I wanted to show The Earth that I cared, so I gave him/her (The Earth is creepily androgynous, kind of like a horribly stereotyped "goth" teenager. Actually, exactly like a nonexistent stereotype of a "goth" teenager.) a call.

The Earth: Hello?

Me: Hello? The Earth?

The Earth: Yeah, what do you want.

Me: Oh, nothing really. How are you doing.

The Earth: How am I doing? Do you even need to ask? I would think that in your superb understanding you would know that my soul is full of a rainy miasma.

Me: I see. I hate those miasmas. Well, I just wanted to let you know that I care about you, okay?

The Earth: You don't care about me! Nobody cares about me! The world is a vampire slowly sucking my lifeblood. Nobody understands my magick or my rainy soul. I hate you.

Me: Okay, talk to you later.

The Earth: .....

Me: Goodbye.

The Earth: Can I have $50?

Me: Goodbye. *click*. Damn teenagers.

So there you have it. A totally worthless experience. Maybe I'll try back in again in a couple billion years. The Earth has a lot of growing up to do right now.

P.S. Did you know that if you stopped eating meat, started growing food in your own garden, started biking to work/school, used a clothesline instead of a dryer, changed all your light bulbs to CFLs, and started wearing sweaters because you turned your heat down to 60 instead of 70 it would make exactly zero difference to The Earth?

Not that I'm saying not to do those things. I mean, I'm even doing some of them. Just don't think they're going to make any kind of a difference.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Seven Minute Socks

So, today is the fourth day that I've ridden my bike to work. From my house it's about twelve-and-a-quarter miles to my trailer. Last Thursday, I made the ride in 1 hour and 6 minutes. Today I made the ride in 1 hour and 4 minutes. So, one day, 2 minutes off my time. I gotta keep that up because, well, check out the chart.

After only 34 days of riding I will be getting to work in, literally, no time at all. Saving gas money and time! How about that!

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Pondering the Imponderable

Sometimes I wonder if I'm part of the Solution, or part of the Problem.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm part of the Cure, or part of Joy Division.

Monday, April 07, 2008

When You Wish Upon a Star

I've had a grueling schedule around here of late. Take this last weekend for instance.

Friday Night: I don't remember.

Saturday: Something or other and then some bike riding.

Sunday: More bike riding and grilling.

I'm exhausted just looking at that schedule. No wonder I only ever post here once a month. Well, that and the fact that

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

The Coming Spring-pocalypse

So, recently I've been looking forward to the start of spring. Granted, it's still over a month away here in Northern South-eastern Michigan, but that's okay. Part of my looking forward to slightly warmer weather ("slightly warmer" means "probably no snow") is that I want to get outside and go camping and other white person stuff. One of the activities I particularly want to learn how to do is orienteering, the art of navigating the woods with only a topographical map and a compass. I believe it's a skill that will come in very handy at some point in the future if I have to walk my way from Kentucky to, uh, anywhere other than Kentucky. Thus, to learn a new skill I went to the first place one goes to when one wants to learn a new skill. Yep, the internet. However, I got distracted and started reading webcomics and looking at horrible, horrible pictures. Since the information superhighway didn't have an exit for my destination, I decided to go where poor people go to learn things. Yep, the library. At the library they had a whole section on outdoor, white person skills. There were at least two books on orienteering. On the cover of one of them, there was this chick in a brightly colored spandex outfit looking at a compass and jogging through the woods. On the cover of the other one there was this dude in a brightly colored spandex outfit looking at a compass and jumping over a log. If that's the official uniform, I am having severe second thoughts.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

A Day Late and A Day Short

Man, if I would have just made this post yesterday like I planned on. I would have won.

Stupid NPR, now everybody (everybody white, at least) knows about Stuff White People Like. And while I'm not an official White Person, I hope to be someday when I get a job at a non-profit that helps/knows what's best for poor people.

I think my favorite thing about the site is that it lets white people feel either more or less white than other white people, which are both things that white people like! You can't lose!

But deep down, the blog (do white people like blogs?) gives really good advice about how to interact with white people to make them feel good about being white, which is a very kind thing to do, really. With this help, I might even be able to pass as a white person now.

Saturday, February 02, 2008

Whatever Happens, Happens

This one time, actually it was yesterday, I had to go to the oral surgeons. I hate oral surgeons. He had to pull out two of my 3rd molars. It was not very fun. My face looks really lopsided now.

The good news was that I got to miss work yesterday. It's pretty much a toss-up whether I dislike the oral surgeons or work more. I think I dislike work more because work never gives me hydrocodone.

But other than that, I haven't been up to much, you know. Just mostly sitting around at home and at work, eatin some pizza, learnin about Cuba. I do have a favorite new band of the moment. The National. Don't worry, it's still just regular old twenty-something semi-mopey, semi-orchestral white boy indie rock. You know me, I'm a sucker for that shit. I would say that I am a perfect member of the most predictable demographic, behind 4-7 year old kids that is. We're all semi-elitist, semi-self-aware, semi-rich insufferable bastards who think they're different than the stupid normal Americans. Which is true, I guess. We ARE all the same amount different. But at least I'm not really semi-rich anymore, so I've got that going for me, which is nice.

Friday, February 01, 2008

Son, I've Been Hearing Good Things

The Ramones were right, being sedated rules.

Thursday, January 31, 2008

If Beggars Were Choosers

Do you ever have one of those days? You know the ones that I'm talking about. The days where you sit there all day worrying about the pieces of your skull that are going to get ripped out tomorrow? Yeah, that's the kind of day I'm having.

But on a lighter note, I started reading The Population Bomb yesterday. I'd bet a million dollars that the malthusian disaster theories that are popular now will be as far off as the massive global famines were in the 1970's. But maybe not. I don't have a million dollars anyway.

I've always wanted to try to deep-fry a turkey.

Yesterday, I ate 4 pieces of toast for dinner. It was crunchy and warm.

It's true that if you throw up at the same time you sneeze puke goes shooting out your nose. Also, you can briefly see the infinity of universes that exist in parallel, but it's not nearly as cool as it sounds.

Guess what! I get to drive to Iowa next week!

I'm getting tired. I'm forgetting why.

Bad Photetry Thursday: Oops

Bad Poetry Thursday: Just Sitting Here Resting My Bones

A Far Off Land

How many times must a man walk down the same road
Before he realizes He's been down this road before?
We've been over this ground before.
We've always been over this ground.
This time I swear it's different.
I'm breaking new ground here.
I'm going somewhere.
I'm shooting for the stars.
I'm going to make, just you wait and see.
I'm the great hope.
Watch me as I fall.
I'm breaking new ground here.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

You'll Start a War

Maybe it's just me, but toilet paper isn't supposed to be translucent, is it?

Maybe it's just me, but what the hell is a handbasket?

Maybe it's just me, but where's my tax refund?

Maybe it's just me, but didn't we expect something? Something better than before?

Maybe it's just me, but why is it so cold?

Maybe it's just me, but weren't you always weird?

Maybe it's just me, but I wish I could get over it.

Maybe it's just me, but sometimes I can't help myself.

Maybe it's just me, but WTF?

Maybe it's just me, but do you want a piece of pie?

Maybe it's just me.

Friday, January 25, 2008

The Return of The Roving Machinations of the Watching Movies and Then Pretending to Write Reviews that People Pretend To Read

Here are some brief Reviews of the movies I've watched in the last dickety-two days.

Treasure Planet - Like Treasure Island but IN SPACE! The blend of computer and traditional animation is a little offputting, but extraordinary in a way, since it seems like such an obvious idea but nobody else does it.
5 Pieces-of-8 out of 9

Treasure Planet - Better the second time through, "By tunder."

Casino Royale - Definitely the best James Bond movie starring Daniel Dubbleishsomething. I really like how they made torture and murder look bad. You don't see that every day anymore.
A Straight Flush

Treasure Planet - Okay, this is getting old.

Treasure Planet - When exactly is this movie due back to the library?

12 Monkeys - This one makes way more sense if you don't fall asleep in the middle of it and wake up when Bruce Willis is naked in WWI. By the way, if you've always wanted to see Bruce Willis naked and getting scrubbed down and naked in a filthy trench, this is the movie for you. Also, when you watch this movie you officially get bonus points if you point out that it was based on the 1960's French move La Jetee.
9 out of 12 Monkeys

Treasure Planet - .....

Control Room - A documentary about media coverage (specifically Al Jazeera) during the lead up to and beginning of Operation Iraqi Freedom: Persian Gulf First Blood Part II starring John Rambo? Snoozefest. Bombs, guns, dead journalists, bi-polar extremism, war is bad, the end. Interesting if only for the fact that it's fun to watch peoples' reactions to things they thought/believed/knew would never happen. But not that interesting.
11 gain knobs on a 32 channel sound board.

Treasure Planet - I give up. It's my new favorite! The centroid of the mechanism is important though, so at least I've got that going for me, which is nice.

Return of the Roving Machinations of the Giant Bottle of Rye

Just like most things that happen, the title of this post doesn't mean anything.
However, from time to time, something does mean something. Like yesterday, when I went to Costco. Going to Costco meant that I was one hundred and something dollars poorer and Dickety-two consumer items richer. It was quite enlightening to realize that.

So at least I've got that going for me, which is nice.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Bad Poetry Thursday: Dude, I'm Tripping Balls!

Said the Porpoise

In a lot of ways
A guitar string
Is like a cup tea.
Round tones and round handles
Reverberate in rounded chambers
A pluck can send a note soaring
and destroy the seeping bag.
The constant overbearing harmonies of
Black and green, of
Half and whole, of
Sustain and influenza, of
Black and tan
Can calm the noble savage.
And aggravate the ignoble savant.

The Miracle of Flight

The other day I was just doing my usual thing, you know, driving home from work when I saw something that literally made me fall out my chair. Well, not literally, but figuratively literally. I couldn't literally fall out of my chair because there was a door to my left and a stick shifter control knob thingy to my right. But anyway, I figuratively literally fell out of my chair because I saw this dude just walking along on the side of the road! By the Buffalo Wild Wings at 26 and the Van Dyke Expressway! Who does that??? I almost rolled down my window and asked him if he needed a ride. I didn't though, because it was pretty cold out there and nice and warm inside my car. I didn't want to let the warm out. Global warming is bad enough as it is.

Blahd Blahetry Blahday

When Walking by The Lumber Store on A Snowy Evening

I think that I shall never see
A box full of free wood
that is useful to me.

A warp-ed piece of creaking pallet
And two panels of fiberboard
To nail together with a mallet
Would not make a very good stage.

If only two-by-fours were in there
I could build a tennis racket
If I also had strings and tape and
Other wood-shaping equipment.

All the wood in the world
Would not stop your innocence lost
from being found again and lost again.

Not even if all the wood in the world
Was free.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

What Was I Thinking?

Sheesh, I almost broke rule number 1 just now. That probably would have caused some sort of hilarious rift in the universe and I would have been transported to a parallel universe where everyone never breaks rule #1 except me.

That would rule.

Friday, January 11, 2008

Sixteen Tons, and What Do You Get?

So, I was reading this book the other day. It was pretty good.

Then, after I finished reading the book, I listened to a new CD. It was pretty good, too. Then I listened to it again and it was a little better.

After that, I went to work. It was pretty good.

After I got home from work, I went to some store or another. I was pretty good. Not as good as NOT going to the store, but better than eating a shit sandwich.

Then I started finishing another book. It was pretty good in a different way from the other book that I finished.

Then I went to work again.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Bad Poetry Thursday: I Used To Be Made Of Plastic

All four of these were written in the span of about...let me's 9:52.....29 minutes! So you know they must be totally friggin' awesome.

by The Landfill

The only thing I know of
That can't be recycled
Is a memory.
It just gets re-written
until its resemblance to the actual event
is tenuous at best.
It doesn't get recycled
Just forgotten.

The Sound of A Thousand Feet

by Podi A. Trist

A thousand feet
More or less
Are what you need to grind bones into bread
To tread the many miles to the office.
A thousand feet
Are stomping at the bit
and skidding lengthwise toward
the empty vat
that used to hold our bread
before we broke and ate our bones.

When Dogs Lie and Pigs Fly
by Total Nuclear Warfare

I saw a tinsel cat the other day
it adorned a tree of stone and twine.
I thought "what odd things are done with tinsel,
Nowadays, at least."
I also ate a trundle bed the other day
It was all that remained of yesteryear
And I was wont to see it gone.
It tasted of bad taste
and rotten cotton
and ancient hopes.
The mattress was too much for me
I couldn't finish.
Like many things
it was too soft
and full of hidden metal.
I lost an eye to jumping springs
and washed my hands of it forever.

11 O'clock on Thursday

by Alfred P. McMatoat

What light from yonder window breaks?
The glow of ten thousand glowing screens
of course.
What other light could make the world
so frightening and grotesque?
Blue glow is a haunting shade.
It never goes out.