A Day Late and A Day Short

Man, if I would have just made this post yesterday like I planned on. I would have won.

Stupid NPR, now everybody (everybody white, at least) knows about Stuff White People Like. And while I'm not an official White Person, I hope to be someday when I get a job at a non-profit that helps/knows what's best for poor people.

I think my favorite thing about the site is that it lets white people feel either more or less white than other white people, which are both things that white people like! You can't lose!

But deep down, the blog (do white people like blogs?) gives really good advice about how to interact with white people to make them feel good about being white, which is a very kind thing to do, really. With this help, I might even be able to pass as a white person now.

You'll Start a War

Maybe it's just me, but toilet paper isn't supposed to be translucent, is it?

Maybe it's just me, but what the hell is a handbasket?

Maybe it's just me, but where's my tax refund?

Maybe it's just me, but didn't we expect something? Something better than before?

Maybe it's just me, but why is it so cold?

Maybe it's just me, but weren't you always weird?

Maybe it's just me, but I wish I could get over it.

Maybe it's just me, but sometimes I can't help myself.

Maybe it's just me, but WTF?

Maybe it's just me, but do you want a piece of pie?

Maybe it's just me.

He's Spitting Out His Teeth

Here's my weekend in three nutshells.

Friday: Spent the evening and well into the morning playing poker and cribbage for money in smoke-filled rooms full of progressively more drunken gamblers.

Saturday: Spent the evening grinding, mashing, and squeezing organic, hand-picked apples to make some home-brewed apple wine in a bucket.

Sunday: Spent the evening watching nearly three hours of the 1995 BBC version of Pride and Prejudice.

I'm not sure, but I think I might have some kind of identity issue or something.

Or maybe I'm just post-f'n-modern.

Suck on that.

Bad Photoetry Thursday: You Are So Oblivious To Yourself

Well look at this. It's a week of second firsts, or something stupid like that.

In Which I Reveal My Darkest Secrets

Hey, did you know that MySpace is an internet thing? Well it is. And people like to take surveys and I like to take surveys so I took a survey. I thought, going in, that both MySpace and Blogger were as inane and stupid as possible and that any cross-pollination could only make them both better. I was wrong, horribly, horribly wrong. When future civilizations look back to determine at what point the internet became fatally stupid, I'm afraid this post conflating blogs and MySpace will be it. I'm sorry. I got this survey from my brother's MySpace "page," so you can blame him.


By the way, go add me as a friend in MySpace! I want to have more friends than anybody and I am doing pretty well. After 7 months, I have 8 friends! [somebody] Tequila, here I come!

ALL ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:	Schuyler
Birthday:	November 23
Birthplace:	Yakima
Current Location:	DC
Eye Color:	green
Hair Color:	brown
Height:	brown
Right Handed or Left Handed:	right
Your Heritage:	white
The Shoes You Wore Today:	black
Your Weakness:	brown
Your Fears:	No more pie
Your Perfect Pizza:	Pagliacci
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	brown
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	phrase
Thoughts First Waking Up:	brown
Your Best Physical Feature:	When they take your blood pressure.
Your Bedtime:	brown
Your Most Missed Memory:	When I ate that wheat thin just now
Pepsi or Coke:	brown
MacDonalds or Burger King:	brown
Single or Group Dates:	sequential
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	It's iced, not ice.
Chocolate or Vanilla:	chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee:	WHERE IS:
Do you Smoke:	My coffee?
Do you Swear:	Where is it?
Do you Sing:	Yes
Do you Shower Daily:	brown
Have you Been in Love:	yes
Do you want to go to College:	brown
Do you want to get Married:	no
Do you belive in yourself:	Can you restate the question? Yes, I believe that I exist in an ontological manner, and yes I believe myself when I say things, unless I know I am lying. And wait a minute, why are there no inappropriate capitalizations in this question. Do you not believe in me? You don't? I am going to go cry now.
Do you get Motion Sickness:	brown
Do you think you are Attractive:	brown
Are you a Health Freak:	brown
Do you get along with your Parents:	yes
Do you like Thunderstorms:	brown
Do you play an Instrument:	yes
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	yes
In the past month have you Smoked:	no
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	brown
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	brown
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	yes
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	brown
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	no
In the past month have you been on Stage:	yes
In the past month have you been Dumped:	no
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	brown
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	Yes. I just stole several minutes of your time. Loser.
Ever been Drunk:	brown
Ever been called a Tease:	brown
Ever been Beaten up:	no
Ever Shoplifted:	no
How do you want to Die:	brown
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	Oh God, would you survey writers stop capitalizing recklessly? Please.
What country would you most like to Visit:	Critter
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:	Maybelline Plum Red
Favourite Hair Color:	brown
Short or Long Hair:	brown
Height:	yes
Weight:	brown
Best Clothing Style:	no
Number of Drugs I have taken:	brown
Number of CDs I own:	less than a trillion
Number of Piercings:	brown
Number of Tattoos:	brown
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	1. Doing this survey. Why would I go and do that? That is such a stupid thing. What am I, stupid? That is so stupid.