Once upon a time, I woke up feeling an uneasy combination of guilt, pride, fear, hope and pants. It was today, and the first question I asked myself was "why are my pants still on my body?" The second question I asked myself was "what am I so afraid of?" The third question was "Boy, I sure hope I can eat some fun-size Snickers today! I wonder if anybody will bring some to work in a bag full of other candies? The first answer was that I climbed into bed with my pants still on and fell asleep. The second answer was that the whole of my life lay before me like an open book, only instead of words leaping off the page, fire leaped off the pages.
Then I put the fire out and took a shower and went to work. Just like every other day save Saturdays, Sundays and election days.
The third answer was "yes."
Speaking of election days, I worked at town hall on Tuesday counting absentee ballots. I learned a lot of things about the way our democracy works. First of all, there are many stringent qualifications to be a team leader of the Absentee Voter Counting Board. They are
- Age: 60+
- Little to no basic math skills
- Ability to consistently function incoherently
- No sense of urgency or civic duty
At first I was all proud to be doing my part in our electoral process. Then, when I realized who actually operates our electoral process, I cried a few alligator tears. Then I counted some ballots and listened to people talk about their favorite subjects: TV, idiots, fear, TV again, celebrities, other idiots, and food. Hooray democracy!
Oh yeah. I'm going to be the father of a girl in another 20 weeeks, so I've got that going for me.
2 comments:
whahoo!
Dude... we're on a road trip to Philly, and no less than 4 of us are gathered around the laptop, laughing our asses off and cheering.
thanks for being a first-rate citizen and a two-time father.
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