List Tuesday (part 1)

10 Activities You Will Never See Listed in a "Fun Things to Do With Toddlers" Book

1. Have scissor races! Make sure the scissors are open as you run around outside.


2. Play Garbage-bag Head family. Your toddler will be the baby bag-head, so use a plastic shopping bag so they can still walk around!


3. Re-enact the biblical story of Joshua! "...Come near, put your feet upon the necks of these kings. And they came near, and put their feet upon the necks of them....And afterward Joshua smote them, and slew them, and hanged them on five trees: and they were hanging upon the trees until the evening."


4. Play Go down to the corner and give this money to Shawn and bring back some of mommy's "special Candy."
   


5. Go downtown, find a homeless bum and beat the crap out of him. And then empty his change cup, because he doens't need it now.
   


6. Read illustrated erotic novels together.


7. Teach your children how to use a bottle of hairspray and a match to make a wicked awesome flamethrower.
   


8. Snape Kills Dumbledore.


9. Teach your toddler to bartend! Tequila shooters are a good place to start.
   


10. You never know what kind of cool stuff other people might throw out. Go around the neighborhood checking everybody's trash cans for neat treasures. If you find anything tasty, go ahead and eat it!