Forward and Back

If you are in a good mood today and don't want to be brought down by hateful sentiments and angry screeds, please do not read this post. And especially do not read the poem at the end of this post. Already in a bad mood? Carry on.

If you have a computer and are connected in some way to the internet (hopefully not dial-up, but if so, sucks to be you) and have email, then you are familiar with the scourge of Forwarded Messages. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. I can hear you cringing in your seat as you read this and remember all the inane nonsense and FW:FW:FW:FW:RE:FW:FUNNIEST JOKE EVER messages you have pissed away your time reading. Fortunately for me, I get very few of these. I guess most people I communicate with are somewhat considerate. But let's get down to business.

The bizarre thing about forwarded emails is that, sometime, somewhere, someone actually sat down and wrote that list of 15 Ways that Men and Women are different. Actually, just writing it isn't the problem. The problem occurs when they think that everyone they know (be it in real life or over the internet) NEEDS to read their list because it is just so funny! Who are these people? Why do they do this? Are they just playing a practical joke on all of us? Are they trolling? My guess is no. They actually want to share a neverending stream of hilarity with the world. They have taken it upon themselves to ensure our amusement with doctored photos of trees, or heartstring pulling poems of love and loss. We don't want to hear it! Guess what? We don't care if we'll die a horrible death when we don't forward this chain letter to 10 of our friends. We don't want to hear about things that annoy you, or things that make you happy. Aside: You might think I am being hypocritical in saying this since I am a retarded blogger, but think again Batman! I see the similarities myself, but nobody forced you to come to this far-flung corner of the internet and read my lame posts, so just be quiet, Mr. Self-appointed Irony Finder. This applies to bloggers in general, too, not just me. It's perfectly acceptable to be self-absorbed and annoying on a blog, nobody will hear it. It's like swearing in the woods. So in order to combat this information age plague, from now on, I suggest that any time you receive a forwarded joke or poem or picture or whatever, forward it right back to the person who sent it to you. For effect, it's best to add a little text of your own like "You have got to read this!" or "When I read this I thought of you!" Obviously, there will be people with whom you should not use this approach, like family. That will just cause more problems than it solves, so please use discretion.

In keeping with this discussion of forwarded messages, I received one yesterday that I think takes the cake when it comes to being stupid, offensive, xenophobic, small-minded, and ridiculous. You may think that's a lot of heavy epithets, but hold off your judgment until you read the whole thing. The message I received is presented below, in its entirety. Well, not its entire entirety. The original also included a lot of smiley faces and other crappy clipart.

Someday, if my blog is ever listed in google, I want people who search for this poem because they think it is hilarious to be directed to my site.

Enjoy!

FW: ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT'S POEM
This can make you think.




Illegal
Immigrants
Poem


I cross ocean,
poor and broke,
Take bus,
see employment folk.

Nice man treat me
good in there,
Say I need to
see welfare.

Welfare say,
"You come no more,
We send cash
right to your door."

Welfare checks,
they make you wealthy,
Medicaid it keep
you healthy!

By and by,
I got plenty money,
Thanks to you,
American dummy.

Write to friends
in motherland,
Tell them 'come
fast as you can.'

They come in turbans
and Ford trucks,
I buy big house
with welfare bucks

They come here,
we live together,
More welfare checks,
it gets better!

Fourteen families,
they moving in,
But neighbor's patience
wearing thin.

Finally, white guy
moves away,
Now I buy his house,
and then I say,

"Find more aliens
for house to rent."
And in the yard
I put a tent.

Send for family
they just trash,
But they, too,
draw the welfare cash!

Everything is
very good,
And soon we
own the neighborhood.

We have hobby
it's called breeding,
Welfare pay
for baby feeding.

Kids need dentist?
Wife need pills?
We get free!
We got no bills!

American crazy!
He pay all year,
To keep welfare
running here.

We think America
darn good place!
Too darn good for
the white man race.

If they no like us,
they can scram,
Got lots of room in
Pakistan.





SEND THIS TO
EVERY AMERICAN
TAXPAYER YOU KNOW