Are y'all getting as tired as I am of this tired old routine of writing lists every Tuesday. It's a tired old blog cliche isn't it? But, luckily for you, I'm a tired old blogger who doesn't have the heart nor the desire to do anything original. So here we go again.
Thoughts That Might Race Through Your Head While You Are Plunging 3000 Feet Down Into A Deep Chasm*
- Huh? This parachute is a knapsack! Ha ha ha ha ha, I never get tired of that joke!
- Are we there yet? No, and if you ask again I'm pulling this car over and then we'll never get there, do you want me to do that? No? Then shut up!
- Are we there yet?
- Should I go feet first, or head first?
- Not again.
- Dah dum da dum dum. Dum dum. Dah dum da dum dum. Dum dum. Green Acres is the place to be, farm livin' is the life for me!
- Next time when I'm walking along an insanely dangerous precipice, I'll be way more careful. Hindsight is 20/20 I guess.
- I hope I reach terminal velocity soon.
- I wonder what my terminal velocity will be?
- Will it be higher if I do this? *tucks arms in and goes into a dive*
- So this is the punishment for being stupid!
- If I was made out of hydrogen, I would just keep floating up. Weird!
- Oh man, this one time, I saw a squirrel fall out of a tree! Did you understand that? I saw a SQUIRREL FALL OUT OF A TREE! That squirrel must have been stupid. Wait, before you say it, I am not evolved to scale dangerous heights, so me falling into a deep chasm isn't ironic. It's just dumb. Really, really, unbelievably dumb.
- I wish I had an umbrella I could use as a parachute.
- I should probably go head first, just in case there is water down there. But what if the water is only a few feet deep? I don't want to break my neck, so I'll go feet first.
- Oh, God, I hope I don't end up doing a belly flop, because that is going to sting like a mother!
- I cannot believe that Mike Jensen fouled that dude in the act of shooting with 11 seconds left when they were up by four! I just cannot believe that.
- Look Ma! No hands!
- Do you think a fire hose puts out enough pressure to stop me from hitting the ground? I mean, if I pointed it straight down, could I just sort of float on top of the water?
- I am going to get at least an AIS 4 injury from this. Crap.
- If only I knew what "a stitch in time saves nine" means! I have a feeling I wouldn't be in this mess if I knew what it meant.
- At least I'll never have to hear about Tom Cruise again. Unless I go to hell, because he is going there for sure. Hell without celebrity gossip would be like heaven!
- I'm about to hit the ground like a ton of bricks. Shoot! My blog! What will my readers do without me? Hm, if I survive this, maybe I could make a post about it!
- Whew, it was just a dream! I really felt like I was falling!
And on that note, Comic Book Guy says "Worst ending to a list. Ever."
I'd especially like to take this opportunity now to point out the metaness of that previous sentence. I thought I cleverly referred to my own post from within my own post, making that meta-connection self-relexive shtick stand out. Now, I've referred to my own referral to my own post. That's like, double meta! Wait, now I've referred to my own referral to my referral to my own post! Four layers of shear meta-goodness. This could keep going all day! Now I just need somebody to refer to my four levels of meta in the comments and then another person could write about the first person's comment and so on. It could be the most stupidest meta thing in the history of whenever! Look at me, I'm even pre-emptively meta-ing.
*In actuality, it is very unlikely that one would think all these thoughts in a single 3,000 foot plunge. The human body, in normal falling posture, has a terminal velocity of about 110 mph (about 161 ft/sec). Acceleration due to gravity is about 16 ft/sec*sec, so one would reach terminal velocity after falling for about 10 seconds and falling about 800 feet. That leaves 2200 more feet to fall, or about 13 more seconds, for a total of 23 seconds. I don't think that any one could think 24 distinct thoughts in that amount of time. Especially while plunging to your doom. It's just not gonna happen.
5 comments:
This is reminiscent of the whale scene in Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy ... surely one of the funniest scenes in the book (and movie) but funnier in the book.
I'm not tired of List Tuesday!
What happened to the pruest thought, "I think this is going to hurt?" Or what about "OOPS!"
Hmm, how to answer your question, Liz? I will say that the title of the post said "Things that MIGHT go through your head." Your two suggested thoughts would definitely go through one's head.
Also, Sonja, this post was actually an indirect reference to that scene in the book (I have not seen the movie) until number 5. Then it became a direct reference.
Maybe your mind starts thinking superfast. If your entire life can flash before your eyes, who knows what ELSE there's time for?
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