There, I said it. Maybe it's not really entirely true, maybe I'm just trying to be provocative (okay, no maybe about that), but maybe, just maybe, there is a lot of truth to it. And I think it mostly stems from a horribly inaccurate view of childhood held by the older generations (and, I'm sure, my generation when our kids start to approach adulthood).
What do you remember about Christmas as a kid? Do you remember what you got as presents every year? Do you still harbor a grudge because you didn't get a specific gift? I doubt it. I don't think I can recall 5 gifts I ever got, outside of the traditional ones that is. What I remeber are the fun times, the advent calender and associated activities, the treasure hunts for our new ornaments (all us kids got a new one every year, a tradition we're keeping now with Levi) which meant we were going to get our Christmas tree that night. I remember making and painting Christmas cookies to take to my Grandma's house on Christmas eve. I remember trying to stay up all night because we were so excited about Christmas morning, a Christmas morning that I recall much less of than the time leading up to it. I remember my little brother, with whom I shared a bed, waking up around 1 AM one year and throwing up all over our bed. Too much candy at Grandma's I guess. I remember coming home with my new clock radio and setting it up and listening to a radio station out of Sacramento all night Christmas eve. I still don't know how I picked up a Sacramento station that night. At the time I didn't realize how far away Sacramento is from Yakima: about 800 miles. Anyway, that's enough reminiscences. I could go on for days, but I won't.
So that's what I remember. That's the kind of thing that most people remember. And that is exactly the problem. In our myopic and idyllic recollection, childhood was a time of purity and of wonderful unawareness of the crass commercialism surrounding Christmas. But if we're honest with ourselves, if we look back with a critical eye, I think we'll all find that this consumerist nightmare is nothing new, we just think it is.
So this hodgepodge of a post has been leading up to this: A Christmas Story. In my opinion,
this is one of the greatest Christmas movies ever made. Right up there with The Muppet Christmas Carol, Scrooged, and It's a Wonderful Life (which, to be honest, isn't really a Christmas movie per se). Have you all seen A Christmas Story? I hope so. It is a brilliant portrayal of what Christmas (and childhood in general) is like for kids. None of that whitewashing and ignoring of the heartbreak and stress involved. When Ralphie works so hard on a school essay about what he wants for Christmas (a Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot range model air rifle), really puts his heart into it, only to get a C+ and a snide comment, you can feel his sense of desperation and frustration, like the world and his teacher and his mom are all out to get him. It's that glorious self-centeredness of childhood. You can completely identify with his fear of death when he does something wrong. I'm sure all of us, at one point in our childhood, actually thought we were going to be killed, or kicked out, or something because of what we did. I don't know, it's just so perfect, this movie. Childhood is often a great time, and there is an innocence to it, but there's so much more that I think is really important for us not to forget, lest we see kids today as ungrateful, selfish brutes. So were we. So was everyone, time immemorial. That's what being a child is about.
And seriously, back to my initial statement in this horribly illconfigured and confusing post, if I hear one more 80-something person tell the story of how, when they were kids, all they got for Christmas was a kick in the head from a hobo and they liked it, by God! I think I'll puke. If that's true, if Christmas was all about little baby Jesus asleep on the hay, lowing cattle and the whole nine yards (more like 900 yards in the snow you stupid little ingrates!) when you were kids, then guess what, it's your generation's fault that we are where we are today. You are the ones that went crazy in the 40's and 50's and started buying your kids all the stuff you never had. You are the ones that raised the most spoiled generation in history who then went on to raise the most spoiled generation in history, who will in turn (probably) raise a bunch more spoiled kids. Yee haw. So don't lecture me, Gramps, about consumerism and not knowing the real meaning of Christmas. Go back and take the log out of your own eye first. Kids these days don't come up with it on their own. They learn it from somewhere, and that somewhere is you, their parents and grandparents.
10 comments:
Hmmm. I have several opposing viewpoints here. And I find myself pondering why I feel so free to needle Schuyler when I see fit, yet others I would hold back from doing so to ... I think it's because you don't seem to a) mind, or b), hold back yourself. So here I go.
Actually, I think the opposite is generally true. It's when you DIDN'T get much as a kid that you want to dump all manner of crap at your kids' feet. You want to make their experiences PERFECT. Ahh, well you said that, you say. You said that the baby boomers didn't get much, then they spoiled the next gen. But you're saying that the spoiled next gen (the xers? Let's just say it's them) goes on to do the same? So either way -- too much or too little -- the spoiling goes on? Are you arguing for moderation? Okay, we'll call that point a draw.
Second gripe: Isn't 'A Christmas Story' pretty much ALL about Christmas being rotten and ruined if Ralphie didn't get his stupid gun? (I like the movie well enough, but by the time I got to it, it was painted as such an iconic classic that i was a little underwhelmed.) So doesn't that kind of shoot the eye out of that argument?
I'm kind of passively struggling with Matt right now about this matter of spoiling our child rotten. She's still young enough not to know what Christmas is about, or what she should or can expect. I'd like to keep those physical gift-related expectations fairly low. I kinda want to get her a few nice gifts, not go to the dollar store and overwhelm her with sixty pieces of crap. But Matt, who had pretty much nothing but disappointment growing up -- I won't post details here because he wouldn't appreciate it -- wants her to have quantity. Ugh. So I'm struggling with the root of this attitude, which is why I'm venting about it here, I suppose. I just don't want a brat of a daughter in a few years, when the 40 gifts all are designer jeans and expensive dolls and accessories. I don't think the dollar store's gonna cut it anymore then. (and, like many of you, no doubt, I don't appreciate the source of our dollar store bounty, either.)
And I REALLY don't want any more dang toys in our house. One day, you won't hear from us for about a month, and someone will break in and find us suffocated under the weight of the stacks of fallen play food and kid DVDs stuffed animals and Disney paraphenalia.
Thanks for always commenting Kate, I love it. Gives me something more to think about
In regards to 'A Christmas Story,' no, I don't think it's all about how his Christmas will be ruined if he doesn't get the gun. I see that more as a part of the overall metanarrative of childhood that is told throughout the story. If it's just about the gun, why include the bully? Why include the tire change/swearing thing? Why include the triple-dog-dare?
And actually, I meant to say that it was the pre-boomer generation that didn't get much. It was the boomers who are the most selfish and self-centered and spoiled generation ever, yet it is mostly them who bemoan our outcast state! And anyway's I warned you that this post was disjointed. I've got all these thoughts going around in my head, but not enough time to really synthesize them, so I just let it rip.
And to you others, the more needling the better. Bring it on, as the prez would say!
Well ... I didn't get much for Christmas. I don't give much for Christmas. We give our kids more than we got, but less than most kids get these days.
I went to one of my quilting bees this morning and we had a long conversation about this. How hard it is to have your own standards for your own family (whatever they might be) and then maintain them as your kids get older. One of my friends told about how her kids (teenagers) have friends whose parents spend $2K PER KID on Christmas. And the kids aren't exaggerating. It's hard to find what's going to work for your family, and then, we've found, it changes each year. You've got to float like a butterfly with it. Look at what your kids need each year and what your family needs. It's complicated.
First off, I want to say that I do remember many of my Christmas gifts. But the ones I remember are super special -- like the year I was dying for Barbie clothes and my grandma made me a trunk full of homemade Barbie clothes because my parents couldn't afford store bought (and that was before Velcro so she had to hand sew on these teeny, tiny little snaps and buttons and hooks and eyes... very difficult and tedious work!) Then there was the year my great-aunt took pieces of my all my favorite clothes and even some of the left over scraps from my Barbie clothes and other important fabrics and made me a "quilt of my life" (at least my life up to the age of 11 or 12.) There were some other really special presents, but they were more of the same idea. Those presents I really remember and cherish even today. All the store bought dolls and games and crap just blend together.
But I'm really bad with Elizabeth... believe me I don't spend even close to a grand on her, but I do spend more than I think I should. But, I can't help myself. Half the things I buy for her, I'm really buying for myself because I went without so much as a child.
But you know what... I don't think she's spoiled. Maybe I'm kidding myself, but she's just too darned empathetic and giving to be truly spoiled. Yeah, she's starting to expect a certain number of gifts at Christmas. But at the same time, she's really excited to help other and to give to others.
For example, Elizabeth's birthday was last week. She got her first two-wheeler with training wheels, of course. When I first gave it to her, she was thrilled. But it wasn't more than ten minutes before she said, "Mommy, can I give my three-wheeler to A-----? She doesn't have any bike at all and I don't need two bikes." The next time A----- came over for a visit, Elizabeth sent her home with the three-wheeler.
On Saturday, Elizabeth had a total fit because I told her we were going to help children who didn't have money to buy presents by taking them some presents and then helping them pick out something to give to their family. We missed the event because I was distracted. She was so angry. She thought the children wouldn't be able to give their mom's and dad's presents because we didn't go and she was extremely angry with me.
So, I don't think it really has anything to do with how many presents you get at Christmas. Don't get me wrong, I can't take all the credit for Elizabeth's altruism... she was the most empathic baby in the new born nursery. But I do try to foster and encourage that. I think the problem isn't what people have, but the fact that we have lost the spirit of noblesse oblige.
I love the Christmas Story movie partly because it pokes fun at Ralphie's sense of 'all-importance' over the gun issue.
As far as gift, well I'm probably on the far conservative end mostly because of economics. Neither Ryan or I grew up with much in the way of presents. If it weren't for my godfather there are many holidays I wouldn't have gotten anything. One year we wrapped up a bunch of groceries and had a great time dramatically unwrapping them and saying things like, "Oh man! How did you know I wanted Macaroni and Cheese!? Thank you SOOOOOO MUCH!!" and falling over giggling. Honestly looking back on it, it's not such a bad memory. Honestly looking back on my childhood I don't wish I'd had more stuff but there are opportunities I missed out on that I wish could've been different.
As far as Sophie, well if it weren't for my godfather, we wouldn't be having Christmas again this year. Which I wouldn't be too stressed about because she's 2. She doesn't know what to expect. My sister in laws and I got together and decided to stop giving neice-nephew gifts this year because it's getting to be too much and it's not what we want to focus the holiday on. Honestly Chapman holidays have so many built in traditions you wouldn't miss the presents. We're not going to do a gift exchange the day of. Christmas morning Sophie will be opening the presents from my godfather and that will be it. Starting next year we'll probably start giving one or two gifts to her (as long as we don't have the stuff come up we did this year). But partly economics but also environmental philosophy and my whole 'economic modesty' philosophy ends up in stuff like that being rather tame for my own kid. As she gets older we'll do the one or 2 things you REALLY want and that's it as far as Christmas gifts. Then throughout the year we'll do spontaneous gifts of things she likes - more 'just because' gifts than making the holiday about stuff.
I do have to say that it's been nice to not be in any stores or standing in line this year. Making cookies, ornaments and jewelry with Sophie and listening to Christmas music while Ryan surfs the net has been a lot of fun. I know this stuff isn't for everyone but it has been a nice holiday season for us.
Liz makes an excellent point. It's not about how much our kids get, but about how much they give as well. If they're just getting all the time and never giving any time then they will probably will grow up to be selfish. A case in point, that family I talked about in my earlier comment that spends $2K on their kids? The girl that is friends with my friend's daughter stole my friends' daughter's jeans. That girl has (I'm not kidding) 40 pairs of jeans. She keeps a database of what she wears to school each day so that she'll never wear the same clothes twice in a year ... A YEAR!!! And she stole my friend's daughter's jeans and she only has 4 pairs. So all of that is to say ... Liz makes a good point. It's not all in the getting. I think if we also model giving and help the kids with giving we help balance them. But maybe I'm just assauaging my guilt.
Those are beautiful stories. It definitely seems like the neat, wacky memories are the ones that stick, not how many gifts you get. Which is good and bad, because you don't have to spend money, but you have to be -- gak! -- creative. I feel like my creativity well has really been dry lately.
Time to wrap up some mac and cheese for Lizzy to open. The funny thing is, if I did wrap mac and cheese, and perhaps ketchup, she'd probably think it was the coolest thing ever. Hm. Maybe I'll do it.
Lots of good points. Levi is still so young, we may not buy him anything for Christmas, knowing he will get plenty of grandparent presents. But I love the excited look in his eyes when he opens a present. He has just figured them out and loves to open them and see what's inside even if it's not for him or interesting to him. Anyway, I totally agree with the general sentiment here that the gifts don't really matter. At this point, I don't know how many gifts we'll be buying Levi for future holidays, but I do want to make a point not to say, "what do you want for christmas?" constantly as if that were the point of christmas.
Another point though, buying lots of gifts can be pretty cool if you know the kids aren't spoiled. My brothers and sisters have very little and get very little from parents for christmas so we try to make an effort every year to get them more gifts than normal. And it is so fun to see them so excited on christmas morning. Also, I think that if you are loving and teach good lessons in other areas, spoiling isn't that big of a deal. I have cousins that were terrible spoiled brats as kids and have grown into lovely adults.
Schuyler, Schuyler. Dear Lord. I am literally crying at my desk with uncontrollable silent laughter at that dude.man.phat site. (the urinal entry) Did you just look around to find these guys, or do you actually KNOW that guy? Oh my oh MY.
I found that particular guy through the Blog section of the Washington Post Express (which, by the way, you have still not gotten me into, what gives?) and checked out his site and thought it was funny.
And man, I actually laughed out loud at that urinal post. I'm laughing just thinking about it.!
Post a Comment