Hold on to your hats and glasses folks, because this is going to be a three-parter! That's right, you heard me. This post will contain not one, not two, but THREE great little dispatches from the metro. And if you call our operators within the next 60 minutes, you'll get a 5-blade juice-extracting device absolutely free!

Dispatch #1: Subtlety is dead.
There's an ad out there in some of the cars for a Napoleon Bonaparte exhibit at some museum. I don't remember which one. One of the ads has the following quotation: "In politics, stupidity is not a handicap." - Napoleon Bonaparte. A relatively clever and subtle "editor" for lack of a better word, had crossed out "Napoleon Bonaparte" and written in "George W. Bush," so as to say that GWB is stupid, but since he's in politics, he can get away with it. It was a cute little moderately subversive act of graffiti. However, underneath "George W. Bush," someone else had written "SUCKS!" Whoever wrote that just doesn't get it. The first guy was not saying that Bush is great, he was saying Bush is stupid. But don't let that stop you Mr. Unsubtle Bush Bashing Guy! Lose yourself in that knee-jerk reaction to think "SUCKS!!!!" every time you see or hear Bush's name. Never mind the fact that there are others out there who agree with you but don't have the same reaction. I'm sorry that it is you who is in fact stupid.

Dispatch #2: Robert Washington
I don't know if this happens regularly, but last night, while I was riding the Yellow Line across the river (from the Pentagon to L'Enfant Plaza), the train operator regaled us for about 4 straight minutes about safety, security, what to do in the event of an emergency and why we should care. He referenced the London bombings from July, the Jordan bombings from last week, and I think he even tossed a bird-flu allusion in there, I can't quite remember. Anyway, as we pulled into L'Enfant Plaza, he wished us all a "Safe, Safe, Safe evening," and ended his lecture by telling us that his name was Robert Washington, and that it had been a pleasure being our operator this evening. I think Mr. Washington is the coolest guy ever. I've never seen a whole car full of people laughing at the same time. It ruled.

Dispatch #3: Mr. Stick My Arm In The Closing Door Guy
I'd like to take a second to salute Mr. Stick My Arm In The Closing Door Guy. You all know him. When the door chimes and says "Doors Closing!" he lunges at the closing orifice and sneaks his arm (and sometimes a foot!) into the door. Then, he struggles, blood being cutoff, to force the doors open again so that he doesn't have to wait 2 more minutes for the next train. And he always wins because, what's the driver going to do? Drive off with some dude hanging out of the train? We can only wish..... Anyway, here's to you Mr. Stick My Arm In The Closing Door Guy, you've got guts and maybe even a little tissue damage. And here's to the two minutes you saved. I hope they went to good use.