Now I'm in Munich???

So, my tour of north-central Europe continues now in the great region of Bavaria. Actually, most of today was spent a little further west, in the city of Ulm, Germany, but I'll get to that. Also, I realize that this is my second Look-what-I-did-today post, and I'm sorry that I'm not my normal scintillating, exacting self, but whatever.

One thing I am definitely thankful for is that I live in Washington DC and take the metro to work. If not for that, I would have been totally lost this morning trying to get to the main train station in Munich, Die Hauptbanhof. I took the subway (U-bahn) and I would have been totally confused if I didn't understand that the lines are named by the direction they are heading in. I would have thought "What? I don't want to go to Nuperlach-sud! I want to go to the Hauptbanhof!" But, because I take the Red Line in the direction of Shady Grove everyday, I understood what the signs meant. Whew. Also, I think it would be very easy to take the U-bahn without paying. I paid of course, but I'm just saying.

Now let me tell you a little about the Munich train station. It is friggin huge. I mean, like Union Station times three. What's different about the train station here is that you don't line up at a set of stairs and then walk down to an individual platform. All the platforms are just sort of, there under one HUGE roof. It's kind of cool. Anyway, without even asking for help and without signs in English, I managed to get on the correct train to Ulm and everything. It was pretty cool. That's what good signage does, I guess. Gets you to where you need to go, regardless of language. Well, maybe leaving out languages that don't use the Roman alphabet, but who cares about them????

So on to Ulm. Ulm is a pretty cool city with, get this, the TALLEST CATHEDRAL IN THE WORLD. It was actually pretty awe-inspiring. I've never been in a "real" cathedral before, you know, one that is more than 50-years old. This one was about 800. The only disappointing thing about was that the incredibly tall spire wasn't built until the 1870's or in other words, almost 400 years after the pinnacle of gothic cathedral architecture. But aside from that, the church was incredible. I went inside and was stunned, speechless at the complexity and vastness of the thing. Incredibly tall arched ceilings, detailed statues of saints to pray to, exquisite stained-glass windows. It was a very moving experience. It's hard to understand the love and the dedication that went into such a building. Each stone hand carved by master masons. Each pane of glass stained by a master craftsman. Each gargoyle and filigree painstakingly carved from raw stone by some forgotten artist. Wow. And over all this was the sheer hubris of the medieval church. What sort of organizational and spiritual fortitude would it take to conceive of such a thing? It goes beyond words. I can't understand what would drive such a project. Was it love for Christ? Was it self-aggrandization? Was it to bring the community together in a way nothing else could? Was it a vain grasp at the heavens? Maybe a little of each? Anyway, I'm out of superlatives to use, so, if you ever find yourself in south-western Germany, check it out. Also, try to be there at Christmas time because the Christmas Market in front of the Cathedral is awesome.

One final not about Germany: They may think that they are somehow inherently different from the rampant consumers in the US, but I'm here to tell you that I don't think it is so much a difference in type as it is in magnitude.

Greetings from Brussels

Okay, let me get this off my chest. Brussels is....well..... just as cool as you're probably imagining it (or remembering it?). Seriously, it looks like it was pulled right from Beauty and the Beast! You know, the tall elegant homes, the towering cathedrals, the huge palaces.

But not where I am staying. My hotel is about three blocks from the European Congress, and if you know how big a bureaucracy the European Congress is, you can imagine what my neighborhood looks like. It's the Crystal City of Brussels.

Fortunately, not too far away is Gran Place. Of course, I didn't make it there today. I tried, really, I tried. But I got lost. Instead, I ended up at Eglise Sainte-Marie, which was pretty cool. And a lot farther away than Gran Place. And dang it, I really wanted to go to Boutique Tintin. Oh well, next time I'm in Brussels I guess.

Several things to note about Brussels:

1. Look out for little Belgio-Islmaic boys. They will smack you and threaten you in French if you're not careful. (Turn the other cheek....Don't hit a kid....)



2. Taxis are not available. When I got lost (oh yeah, I also saw Le Jardin Botanique!) I tried to find a taxi, but there were none. Maybe you have to call them or something.



3. Everybody here speaks about a million languages. Okay, maybe 4, but still, that's a lot!



4. This chick totally asked me a question in French on the street. I think she asked me how to get somewhere, but I'm not sure. I just shrugged my shoulders and was all like, "I don't know. SOrry." Anyway, the point is that I don't look like a stupid American! Sweet!!!



5. Chimay beer is even better here.

Hiatus Europa

Well everyone, I'm off to Europe for a week of probably being bored at conferences. Oh well, it's still cool, right? Anyway, I hope to be able to write from there, but we'll see. I may not be back til December 6th. I don't know. I know it'll be hard for you not to have any thing to read here, but I'm sure you'll find a way to deal with it.

Anybody got nothing to do tonight?

I know this is kind of last minute, but our other options fell through. Maggie, our guests and I were hoping to go see Harry Potter tonight, but we don't have a babysitter for Levi and his two friends Stephanie (5) and Libertie (9). Anybody want to watch some sweet kids for a few hours tonight? We are willing to drive, so don't worry about having to come all the way in to our house.

List Tuesday

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Rain, Rain, What Am I Sayin'

Hey, let's talk about the weather!

Pretty crummy weather we're having, isn't it?

Yep, stupid cold winter rain.

Yeah, my street practically flooded the other day.

Hmm, well, see ya later.

Ahhh, now that we've got the small talk out of the way, we can get down to the matter at hand.....the weather.

I'm loving this cold rain because it reminds me of a simpler time in my life: when I worked on a deep-sea fishing boat, far off the shores of the rugged, mountain-lined coast of northwest Canada. We would go days without seeing land, or other boats. Just the crew, the tons of dead fish, and the cold ocean rain to keep me company. I almost died out there multiple times. Once, I fell in the ocean and had to be pulled out, stripped and covered in dead fish. If they would have put me in anything warmer than dead fish at first, it would have caused irreparable harm to my internal organs. Heat transfer stuff, you know. Some people did die. Drownings, freak net accidents. One guy was even killed when an extraordinarily large sturgeon snapped his neck with one powerful tail flick. It was a dangerous but fulfilling job, and many are the times when I look back on it with fondness, but no desire to do it again. I couldn't put my family through that now.

Anyway, the rain also reminds me of my first year living in the city. Growing up in Yakima (I've complained about it enough, I think) we never got rain. Snow, yes, sometimes, but rain? Rarely. And we thought of Seattle as "The Big City," which seems really strange to me now. From the east coast, Seattle looks like a little rustic backwater. A really cool backwater that I want to return to someday, but a backwater nonetheless. So I moved to Seattle to start college with the idea that "hey, it rains, like, every day in Seattle." And it's true. In winter at least. That winter (98-99) it rained, I think, 89 out of 91 days between November and March. The other two were overcast, just not rainy. It never snowed, it just rained, constantly, and stayed slightly above freezing. Honestly, that sucks. That much rain and cold and dreariness is hard to bear. Basically, for three straight months it looks like today in DC. Cold, dark, wet, and desolate. But believe me when I tell you that Seattle summers make up for that in spades. You probably won't believe me if you haven't been there, but Seattle summers are the best. Sunny, verdant, only moderately humid, rare is the day that breaks 85 degrees. It's really, really nice, with the smell of the ocean air blowing in from Puget Sound. Ahhhhhh.

But winter there, I could do without. Bah.

Hold on to your hats and glasses folks, because this is going to be a three-parter! That's right, you heard me. This post will contain not one, not two, but THREE great little dispatches from the metro. And if you call our operators within the next 60 minutes, you'll get a 5-blade juice-extracting device absolutely free!

Dispatch #1: Subtlety is dead.
There's an ad out there in some of the cars for a Napoleon Bonaparte exhibit at some museum. I don't remember which one. One of the ads has the following quotation: "In politics, stupidity is not a handicap." - Napoleon Bonaparte. A relatively clever and subtle "editor" for lack of a better word, had crossed out "Napoleon Bonaparte" and written in "George W. Bush," so as to say that GWB is stupid, but since he's in politics, he can get away with it. It was a cute little moderately subversive act of graffiti. However, underneath "George W. Bush," someone else had written "SUCKS!" Whoever wrote that just doesn't get it. The first guy was not saying that Bush is great, he was saying Bush is stupid. But don't let that stop you Mr. Unsubtle Bush Bashing Guy! Lose yourself in that knee-jerk reaction to think "SUCKS!!!!" every time you see or hear Bush's name. Never mind the fact that there are others out there who agree with you but don't have the same reaction. I'm sorry that it is you who is in fact stupid.

Dispatch #2: Robert Washington
I don't know if this happens regularly, but last night, while I was riding the Yellow Line across the river (from the Pentagon to L'Enfant Plaza), the train operator regaled us for about 4 straight minutes about safety, security, what to do in the event of an emergency and why we should care. He referenced the London bombings from July, the Jordan bombings from last week, and I think he even tossed a bird-flu allusion in there, I can't quite remember. Anyway, as we pulled into L'Enfant Plaza, he wished us all a "Safe, Safe, Safe evening," and ended his lecture by telling us that his name was Robert Washington, and that it had been a pleasure being our operator this evening. I think Mr. Washington is the coolest guy ever. I've never seen a whole car full of people laughing at the same time. It ruled.

Dispatch #3: Mr. Stick My Arm In The Closing Door Guy
I'd like to take a second to salute Mr. Stick My Arm In The Closing Door Guy. You all know him. When the door chimes and says "Doors Closing!" he lunges at the closing orifice and sneaks his arm (and sometimes a foot!) into the door. Then, he struggles, blood being cutoff, to force the doors open again so that he doesn't have to wait 2 more minutes for the next train. And he always wins because, what's the driver going to do? Drive off with some dude hanging out of the train? We can only wish..... Anyway, here's to you Mr. Stick My Arm In The Closing Door Guy, you've got guts and maybe even a little tissue damage. And here's to the two minutes you saved. I hope they went to good use.

Run Pop For

Here is a picture. It is a picture of girls that play soccer. I wonder what it is like for the one girl on the team who is not white?

Ye Olde Wayfareres Felloweshippe

I'm not one that likes to rag on certain ideas when I don't have a replacement idea of my own, but I'm gonna. I don't like "Wayfarers Fellowhip" or really anything with the word "Wayfarers" in it. I'm sorry, I just don't. This is what it makes me think of.....




I mean, we'll still go, but when people ask what church we go to, I'll say "It doesn't have a name."

List Tuesday

Okay, I'll be at a conference here in town for most the rest of the week, but I'll try to post as often as I can. I mean, I know that all of you depend on me to brighten your days and I'll try not to let you down! Anyway, here's this weeks list, and for the first time, it's interactive! Please leave me a comment with your opinion on which one you think would be best! Also, I mispoke yesterday. It's not an unvoiced alveolar stop, it's an unvoiced palatal stop that I need to have in my stage name.

Things That Could Be My Stage Name (As in Mike Check and ____________)

1. The Snackmaster


2. The Snakemaster


3. The Jack of Hearts


4. Skymall


5. Axeman


6. Crafty Jack


7. Carl


8. Pomod


9. Basketcase


10. Squishy Bob


11. Wack Job


12. Blue Collar


13. Beef Jerky

And That was the Week(end) That Was

Normally, I wouldn't just write a post about things that happened to me, but I feel like doing that today. So there.

I'm not usually up at 7:15 on Sunday mornings, let alone outside walking to the Cleveland Park metro station, but yesterday, that's exactly where I found myself. It's a little weird being out early on a Sunday. Every other day of the week an early morning walk puts you on the road with the poor and the servants that we don't want to see during the day. The janitors and the lawn care guys, mostly hispanic. But on Sundays, even they get the chance to rest. The roads were nearly deserted, the cars silent. If you're walking down Ordway St. from 34th to Connecticut, you get to a point from which you can't see either of those streets. As I walked that brief section yesterday with music in my ears I saw a cascade of golden leaves falling onto the road and the cars parked all along it. It seemed that everything was still except those leaves falling, and I wondered, how long would it take before evidence of our society would disappear? How long until those cars parked in gapless rows along the road rusted beyond recognition and were buried in fallen leaves? How long until the streets which we carefully maintain (or not so carefully, i.e. the Nebraska Ave North to Massachusetts Ave East turn at Ward Circle) became shattered crumbs of asphalt and concrete with tree roots spreading relentlessly? Would the iron from the cars seep into the soil and change the fall colors of the trees? Or would the remnants of our lives poison the earth to the point where it was unihhabitable? Before I could answer those questions, I was startled out of my reverie by the cars zooming by as Connecticut Ave came into view. Sure it was only a few cars (it was Sunday morning after all) but that was all it took. Then down into the bowels of the city for the long trip out to Vienna. As much as I wonder about some of the repercussions of our modern society, it sure is nice to have a clean and timely subway system.

Speaking of clean and timely subway systems, Metro is awesome on Sunday mornings. I checked the WMATA website the night before to see what time I would need to leave home to get to Vienna at 8:30. It told me to catch the 7:38 train at Cleveland Park which pulled into the station the next day at.....7:38. And I got a seat! I never get a seat!

Do strange things ever happen to you about which you do not know what to do? Well, it doesn't happen very often to me, but yesterday, as I was walking towards the north Kiss & Ride in Vienna, I was approached by a, for lack of a better word, hooligan. Some dude, probably about 24 or 25 (my age!) was walking toward me in very baggy and unkempt black clothes and a weird black stocking cap. He was carrying what looked like a Double Gulp from 7-11. As we approached each other, me heading out, him in, I moved slightly to my right so that we didn't collide. You know, what everyone does when they approach an oncoming person. He however, moved to his left, very intentionally blocking my path. At the last second he moved to pass and spit, again very intentionally, right at my feet. It was, well not surreal, but pretty strange and at least two standard deviations away from the mean of normal human relational behavior. How do you react to that? And since we were talking about ethics at church that morning, how do you turn the other cheek? He was gone before I really even realized what happened. And why did he do that? Was there something about how I looked that made him dislike me? Was it my stylish leather jacket that I paid nothing for and wear because it's warm? Or do I carry an air of smugness about myself that I don't realize? Or does he just like to flirt with the borders of proper behavior and see how people react? Maybe he's a grad student doing research? Anyway, I was pleasantly surprised by the fact that I didn't get mad, I just got confused.


Also, does anyone need $10? While wandering around the Vienna station, waiting for Dee to pick me up, I set out to find the south Kiss & Ride. If, upon exiting the station on the south side, you turn immediately left, there it is. Not knowing this, however, I turned right and followed the road around towards the parking garage past the end of the sidewalk. Not knowing where to go from there, I turned around and promptly found a ten-dollar bill lying on the road. A road down which no one had driven for at least the last 5 minutes. Was I meant to find that money? It sure felt like it. Maybe I'm still destined to find a good use for it, or someone that needs it more than me that I can give it to. We'll see.

For those of you that read this and don't go to my church, the following anecdote should tell you a lot about what we as a church are about. Yesterday we began a new Open Mic time at the beginning of our service. The main idea is to give people something they don't want to miss so they arrive approximately on time. For the first "act" my friend Mike and I did a poetical rendition of Crazy Train by Ozzy Osbourne. I hear it was pretty good (Pete, I definitely want to know if we got recorded or not!). After church, we discussed the possibility of doing something similar in the future and Mike (stage name: Mike Check) suggested that I need a stage name. He came up with "The Snake," probably a reference to my snake-themed "comics" that I post here. I've decided, however, that I don't like that name. Too many negative connotations. So here's my new stage name: The Snackmaster. I like the evocations of musicopoetical crunchy goodness and the relationship to a popular line of food dehydrators. Plus it keeps the strong unvoiced alveolar stop that lends a bit of rhythm to our name: Mike Check and The Snackmaster. That is, in two words, Awe Some.

And now, I'll end this loquacious post with a question: Last night I was talking to my mother on the phone (what a good son, huh?) and I told her that Maggie and I had recently joined the Design Team at our church, unqualified as we are. And she of course asked what that team does and I explained that we plan the services. Then, she asked if we plan good bible teaching. Uhhhh, I don't know how to respond to that! If you don't know, "Good Bible Teaching" is like a brandname for "guy (must be a guy, no chicks allowed) standing up and going through a Bible Passage so that the congregation can learn what it means." I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with that, but it's really not what we do. However, I do think we follow what should be called good bible teaching (non-registered trademark) in that I think it's good, we look at the bible and I at least usually learn something. But it's definitely not "Good Bible Teaching©®TM" So, how should I respond to her question? Last night I just changed the subject, but I'm afraid some day she'll come out here to visit and go to one of our church services and be convinced that we've revoked our faith.

The pictures moved

Just so you know, I moved my stupid-looking drawings to a new site: snakesatthemic.blogspot.com. I think the name is cooler.

Rackemup Probably Forewarned

Okay kid, those freaky sock arms are starting to get to me. Take them off, please?

Bad Poetry Thursday

Today's genre is hopelessly pessimistic self-aware wallowing in self-pity from a suburban american perspective.



Where Do You Want To Go Today

by SJSTL


The plastic cups of coffee
And glittering overhead track lighting
Smother our glorious auras in
Modernity

Escape is not feasible.
Resistance is futile.
As if by hidden signal
We jump how high

Oh well.
Let’s just go to Home Depot.
I hear they have some washers on sale.
We can buy one with our home equity loan.

The TSWG Wants Some More Questions

Well, nobody seems to want to ask me any questions, so I'm relegated to answering junk mail. Come on people, ask me something! Please?

Well, Yahoo FareChase asked me the following:

Looking for a better travel deal?

Yahoo! Farechase makes it easy to find the hotel you want.

A great hotel deal means a good price, a terrific location, the right amenities. Yahoo! FareChase helps you find a hotel using the criteria that matters the most to you, including:

* Location
* Star rating
* Bed type
* Pet policy
* Spas
* Fitness center
* And more!

Yes, I am always looking for a better deal, but not on hotels. See, we've got the hook up through Maggie's dad when it comes to hotels. If you can find me a better fare for air travel, I'd be interested, but for hotels, eh, not so much.

Poetry Thursday

From One Who Stays

by Amy Lowell

How empty seems the town now you are gone!
A wilderness of sad streets, where gaunt walls
Hide nothing to desire; sunshine falls
Eery, distorted, as it long had shone
On white, dead faces tombed in halls of stone.
The whir of motors, stricken through with calls
Of playing boys, floats up at intervals;
But all these noises blur to one long moan.
What quest is worth pursuing? And how strange
That other men still go accustomed ways!
I hate their interest in the things they do.
A spectre-horde repeating without change
An old routine. Alone I know the days
Are still-born, and the world stopped, lacking
you.

List Tuesday

Things to do during the day to kill time

1. Draw weird pictures


2. Read conspiracy theories on the internet.


3. Call somebody


4. Draw even weirder pictures


5. Daydream about bears and ice skates


6. Stare out the window and contemplate the rapidly approaching end of innocence


7. Fill up your water bottle, drink all the water, then fill it up again


8. Repeat


9. Write a post. Or two.


10. Go home early