A Watch With A Minute Hand

Due to an unexpected day off from work, I've got some extra time. What's the best thing to do with extra time? Yep, go to the library, check out 6 movies and watch them. I was going to write a post reviewing each of the six movies, but I couldn't wait more than 3/4 of the way through the first one. It's called "What the (Bleep) Do We Know. Putting it into the same post as Network, Chinatown, Duck Soup and Bonnie and Clyde wouldn't be fair to anyone.


The Review
PLEASE DO NOT WATCH IT. It is the worst movie in the history of the world (even worse than Practical Magic if you can believe it). How it ever got more than 1 star on Amazon is as beyond me as any little grasp of science is beyond this movie. It's like watching the crazy chef character from Beakman's World explain the ideas from a Deepak Chopra book. If that doesn't put you off, how about this? The main message of the movie is that anything wrong in your life is your own damn fault because you are thinking wrong and are addicted to your negative emotions. The Holocaust? Yep, those European Jews brought it on themselves because they really were addicted to the persecution. (No, smartass, Godwin's rule doesn't apply here because I didn't specifically mention Hitler. Crap!) Same goes for those negative thinking idiots in Darfur etc. And to add to all these horribly mis-guided ideas, it's a crummy movie. I mean, it really just sucks. Note to the filmmakers: if you are going to have interviews in a movie implying that these people know what the hell they are talking about, you really, really, really have to put their names on the screen or else I'm just going to assume they are a bunch of phonies reading from a teleprompter. This is essentially the polar opposite of a real science movie. I've never agreed with censorship, but if all copies of this movie could be loaded onto a rocket and fired into the heart of the sun, the universe would become a better place. Maybe by positively thinking, I can make it happen. *closes eyes and meditates on breaking the laws of physics as taught to do by this movie* Damn. It's still playing. What a bunch of baloney.

WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T WATCH THIS MOVIE.


A few choice quotations -

"I'm taking this time to create my day. I'm affecting the quantum field."

"You are a God in the Making"

"God is the superposition of all spirits."

"I can influence space itself. I am responsible for all those things."

"It is my belief that our purpose is to be [something idiotic that I couldn't hear because I have no category in my mind to understand such a nonsensical statement]"

"Everyone is God"

P.S. I'm going to start praying to You today.

P.P.S. I know what the (bleep) they know. They know how to make a God-awful synth-heavy soundtrack.

P.P.P.S. Oh, oh oh this is too good. One of the "experts" is a teacher at, I can hardly say this with a straight face, Ma....Maha.....Maharishi University. ROTFLMAO.

Bad Poetry Thursday: Skip the Good Stuff

Yep, that's right. From here on out it's bad poetry only. None of that sissy REAL POETRY garbage, only my own, um, garbage. It's okay though, when a bad poem falls in the forest it only makes a sound if it falls into a river (or lake, or any body of water bigger than a puddle of beaver urine, really) and then the sound is kind of like a little "splash" sound that doesn't carry very far because those ferns absorb the exact frequency distribution of those little "splash" sounds and the only places that bad poems occur in nature are always in conjunction with ferns, the most ancient of all plants. So yeah.



Sixteen (+/- 1) Lines from a Sheet of Graph Paper
byline

She once visited a friend
in California where trees hang like dangling chains
from the ears of the sky.
Her friend was older than her by half
a month, 45 and 7/12ths to 45 and 13/24ths
But other than that difference in age,
they were like two peas in a greek salad
green, and completely out of place.
She longed to see her friend succeed
but always looked the other way
at the least opportune of times
and missed success after succession
until a woman became king, which was a long time later
And alas it wasn't either of these two
these friends and erstwhile lovers
pitching softballs to each other
over coffee.