The other day, actually yesterday I think, my son told his first ever approximately correct joke. It went like this...
Person Telling The Joke (PTtJ): Knock Knock
Person Not Telling the Joke (PNTtJ): Who's there?
PTtJ: Popcorn!
PNTtJ: Popcorn who?
PTtJ: Popcorn Chicken!
Granted, it's not very funny but it's way better than what he usually does, which goes something like this...
PTtJ: Knock knock!
PNTtJ: Who's There?
PTtJ: Jiffy Pop Train to pick up a dog at the station!
PNTtJ: Jiffy Pop Train to pick up a dog at the station, who?
PTtJ: I screwed it up!!!
And now that that's out of the way, how was your weekend? Uh huh, uh huh. You're kidding! No, he couldn't have! OMG. Yeah, the weather was nice around here, a little cold at night, but I think my tomato plants survived. Yep, still going good, I've got more basil than I can shake a stick at. Well, half a stick anyway. They are doing fine. The little one is a little sick today, so he stayed home from school. Yeah, well say hi to them for me. Okay. See you later!
I'd say 75% of my interactions with other people are like that. The rest can be tabulated below:
5%: Conversations with my office-mate (an actual person, not inanimate office supplies that I talk to. Don't worry) about how screwed the world is that rapidly veer off course to conspiracy theories that he want to convince me of, many of which are proponentated by David Icke (follow the link, I dare you).
3%: Sports-related conversations in which I try to feign non-ignorance. I typically try to check some scores before coming to work on Monday during football season so I can sound normal. "Whoa, lot of overtime games yesterday huh?" See? It works.
7%: Discussions with my son about what he did at school, whether or not something is cool, what he wants for his birthday, what he did 2 years ago that he appears to actually remember somehow, and jokes (see above).
10%: Discussion with my wife about, literally, any subject imaginable. Once we discussed our mutual interest in a scientific paper on how many bullets it would take to kill a cow based on caliber, shot location, muzzle velocity and firing distance. That's probably one of the more straight forward conversations that we've had. ***Update: I'd just like to confirm that this conversation was purely hypothetical.***
ca. 0%: TV, because I've finally been able to become, as has been a lifelong dream, one of those annoying people that everybody hates who, whenever somebody starts to talk about some TV show or other, says "Oh, I don't even own a TV." Well, that's a slight lie. I do own a TV, but we can't afford cable and we only get one fuzzy channel (ABC, I think) so I'm kind of one of those people by default. But still, I can check that one off my lifetime "To Do" list.
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4 comments:
Your PTU is hilarious. And brilliant.
I clicked the link. My only question is, how should I pronounce that dude's name? (I'll start dropping his name at cocktail parties, as soon as I confirm that we shouldn't call him 'icky'.)
I'm pretty sure his name is pronounced "Ike" as in "I Like Eisenhower!" I mean "I like Ike!" Hold on...
Yep just confirmed it with wikipedia.
Yeah, I had to scroll down a bit until I got to the image for the 'Spirit Wars' where WAR is conducted by shamans to interact with the Earth's energy field to figure out exactly what sort of conspiracy type he is. That's some good stuff. You should start logging your conversations with your office mate for scientific research. Over time, you could plot his statements against various types of media, world events, lunar cycles, effluent discharge into Lake Michigan, etc. to see what exactly triggers the most paranoid elements.
Make your pain science's gain.
You and Maggie are so made for each other! I love it.
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