Transcontinental Concerns

So, right now, on the other side of the continent, my grandmother is having brain surgery. It's weird. I talked to her last night and there's a chance that it was the last time I'll talk to her as her. Or maybe it's no big deal, and she'll be fine. They'll get the tumor out of her brain, it won't be malignant and she'll go right back to being the same grandmother I've always known, I don't know. I guess I'll find out later.

I hope she has a good doctor....


Anyway. Here's a random picture.


HA HA! It's not a RANDOM picture at all! That's what they're doing to my grandma right now! GOTCHA!!!

And no, I'm not putting the dog in that one.

Raindom Paicture Fraiday: Back of the Boat

So, here we go again, right? Do you remember the drill? First I go to Drew's Livejournal Random Picture Generator, then I choose a tasteful picture from among the many taste-free pictures (It's like finding a diamond in the rough, and by that I mean it's a total waste of time), then I put it on this blarg.

VOILA!!!! (or is it "VIOLA?" I'm not all that good at orchestrating clever puns.)

This appears to be the result of some kind of torpedo attack or something. Probably those danged Somali pirates.

Step 3: Put a picture of that darn dog in the random picture

Step 4: ???????

Step 5: PROFIT!

Step 6: Lose all the profit in an acrimonious dispute over arcane accounting rules in an assiduously planned pyramid scheme. (That was for all of you out there that are studying for the SAT!)

Step 7: File a complaint with the SEC about the refereeing at last year's Alabama-Florida game

Step 8: File a complaint with another SEC about the pyramid scheme.

Step 9: ?????

Step 10: PROFIT!

And there you have my foolproof ten-step method for making money.

You're welcome.

Random Picture Friday: His Fangs Have Been Pulled

Just so you know, this is a picture plotting three thousand random numbers. For random picture friday. I kill me!







Also, just so you know, yesterday's stupid "poem" wasn't about anything or anyone. I hope you all realize this is always the case.

Random Picture Friday: 'Cause Worryin's a Waste of My Time

Pictures with no commentary.


Wait, just a little commentary. That guy on the left in picture one is a huge dude. I think his hair only makes it worse.

The Hard Land of the Winter

Okay, so this isn't exactly RANDOM picture Friday, but still.

I just made a banner for my friend's blog from a picture he took the other day. Here it is...




But now I want you all to vote on which you think is better, the first one, or this totally awesome second one?

Come On, You're Lying to Me

Boy, it's sure been awhile since we pulled out the old livejournal random picture generator thing for a beautiful friday afternoon. So here...








Oh man, either way, I really want to know the story behind this picture. Is it A Christmas Story obsession gone wrong (or maybe oh so right)? Is it the prelude to a series of explicit "furry" action pictures? Where do you even find such an outfit? Did he borrow it from Matthew Perry? (I am so sad that I can make that allusion)

A Picture with a Green Frame

Once, on a dare, I ate an entire ten-pound bag of basmati rice.

I used to build cardboard boxes out nothing but cardboard and tape.

Once, I ran so fast that my shoes caught fire. My feet still have the scars.

Yesterday, I walked to the train station.

When I was 15 years old, I punched a guy so hard I broke my own nose.

I like to play sports.

No I don'!

WTF?

That was a major faux pas!

My desk is covered with an ear wax and turkey gravy patina.

It was valued at over 1 million dollars on antiques roadshow.

My son will turn three next saturday.

He can already read in five different languages.

Once, I caught a bean bag without even looking.

A tower of blocks stacked six feet high contain more energy than a nuclear bong.

If a stand of trees has more than 14 individual trees, it's not a "stand." Instead, it's called a shrift.

I invented the word "blog."

I taught Michael Jackson how to "moonwalk."

I have walked on the moon.

Some lead, some follow, some get out of the way. I do all three at the same time.

If an elephant were the size of me, it's tusks would have to be made out of gold just to survive more than three days.

A beer bottle once broke me over its head.

I read it on Reddit.

I call people "macaca" and get away with it.

I'm waiting for my ride, but I have to wait inside the store where they let me play the organ.

It was an awesome old funky Hammond organ.

I wanted to buy it.

A cell phone can be built entirely by hand using only an old cellphone.

I don't give wedding advice. I am wedding advice.

There are 8,093 results for "bong" on flickr. There are 82,173 results for "jesus." There are 61,037 for "sex." There are 233 for "chode." There are 1,174,306 for "tree." There are 3,349,095 for "me." There are 1,917,440 for "you." Sounds about right.

Love means never, ever wearing parachute pants out in public.

Love means not owning parachute pants.

Love means cheese.

The Seahawks will score more than 30 points against the Bears on Sunday.

Random Picture Friday: That Darn Cat Dog

This is such a beautiful picture. We love it's evocation of the wide open field of freedom so brilliantly espoused in the doctrines of baseball. Whatever that means. We just made it up right now.





Let us tell you, if we had a nickel for every time we've been viciously body checked by a giant dog in a giant field of grass, well, we, uh, still wouldn't have any nickels. Dang.

Random Disturbing Picture Friday

Get ready, people. It's not very often that I do this, but this post definitely needs...

Seriously, this random picture is horrifying. Make sure all your children are out of the room before you look at it...









I'm not kidding. It will warp them for life.








Okay, don't say I didn't warn you.


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! Morrissey! Run!




And to think I used to think this picture was disturbing.



UPDATE:Okay, fine Mike. Here you go.

Random JapanPicture Friday

If you've never been to Japan, you wouldn't believe me if I told you, but it's true; it is impossible to have a picture taken without at least one person making the old "peace" or "V for Victory" sign with their fingers. Seriously. When I got accosted on the streets of Kyoto by two schoolgirls (not what you're thinking, you pervs) so they could talk to me in English for their homework, they wanted to take a picture with me to prove I was real and they didn't just make up the conversation, which is what I would have done if I had that assignment. So I stood there and smiled for the picture and they said "nonononononononono, do..." and they held up their fingers. And no, it's not just a kid thing. This picture, which I randomly stumbled across, proves my point. I really don't get it though. Wasnt't the "V for Victory" finger move an Allied thing in WWII?






That's why this picture is so much better: it makes sense.

See? This guy has apparently brokered a peace between the dog-faced Japanese people and the normal-faced Japanese people, who both appear to be claiming victory. It is a monumental acheivement akin to what Jimmy Carter facilitated at Camp David between the Israelis and the Palestinians*. We all know how well that worked out!

Also, all next week (well, starting today) I will be guest writing over at the amazing Why.I.Hate.DC blog. The great Rusty has asked me to humbly try to fill his shoes. I'll try to keep updating here too, but we'll see.

*may or may not be historically factual. Wikipedia probably knows.

Rantang Picture Friday

Well I'll be. I thought that that one time I found that picture of that one dog that I had found the best picture in the universe. Now? I'm not so sure. Just look...



A Shrine to Tang! That is so gnarly! Astronauts like it! I like it! Everybody likes it! Yay Tang! Nothing beats a pitcher of Tang and package of saltines on hot summer afternoon.



See how awesome this picture is? I added the dog, but that wasn't enough. Just the dog doesn't improve the picture. But a dog in an orange cowboy hat? Oh. Yes.

Ragged Picture Follyday

Boy oh boy are we ever having a blow out today! Not one, not two, but three randomly stumbled across pictures from the internet! Hooray! And then the same three pictures only with a dog! Or another dog as the case may be! Friday rules!



What freaks me out about this picture is it looks like someone broke into my house and didn't steal anything. They just took a picture of my ridiculous crap collection.



Ha ha! A dog!




Babies: making cute messes since the dawn of mankind.


If only "dog-in-a-basket" were more like "pig-in-a-blanket" or "chicken-in-a-biskit" or "sausage-in-a-pancake."



"It is just like that jerk to go and do something like this. He is a camera hog and an attention whore. I hate that dude." That is totally what this dog would be thinking if dogs could think. But they can't.




I've lost sight of why I'm doing this.

Random Picture Friday: Heavy Metal Edition

This is totally the next thing I am teaching to the brickson. Just yesterday I taught how, when somebody does something really dumb, you're supposed to say "suckerrrrrrrrrrrrrr!" He's really good at it. I've also taught him to say "dang it!" when he can't get something done that he wants to do.


I will not teach him to do this*, though. It is definitely hardcore and I think Ozzy might appreciate it, but I do not. Pretty impressive for a little kid.


*No dogs were hurt in the making of this picture.

Random Dropkick Friday

This guy must be pretty cool. He is acting like a total idiot, dressed ridiculously with shades and a hat, but he still has some chick in a bikini holding is leg. He must be doing something right. I like this guy.

Now I like him even more becuase he is kicking a dog, and we all know how much I hate dogs.