You know a good way to waste a perfectly usable Sunday afternoon? Go to the stupid ER because you're stupid worried you might be dying because your stupid heart is beating erratically and super-fast and you're all dizzy and sweating like a sieve (does that even make sense?) and then not too long after they admit you, it kinda goes away and it turns out you probably just drank to much stupid caffeine but you have to sit there and talk to them and say "no, I don't snort cocaine" and they take stupid blood out of your stupid arm and then put stupid saline into your stupid arm and then they finally let you go home but not until after you wasted 3 stupid hours of your stupid life.
Not that I would know.
Showing posts with label Goodbye Cruel World. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Goodbye Cruel World. Show all posts
Monday, May 24, 2010
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Rememberance of Things Past
BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON
BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON
BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON
You know, I was just thinking, it’s been three years since went to one of the best parties I’ve ever been to. Almost exactly three years ago, we were preparing to leave DC for the northern wastes of Detroit, Canada. So our great friends in the current snow capitol (well, actual Capitol, too, I suppose) of the country threw a pretty great going away party. There was karaoke and some of it was even custom written for us! There were some beers, some scrapbooking, some kids.
It’s kind of hard for me to believe that it was three years ago that we left. That’s half my son’s life (almost)! Hell, my daughter has NEVER been there and she’s almost a year old. I feel like this post is getting a little melancholy, so I’d better wrap it up (in Bacon, so it’s more delicious).
Anyway, it was a great party three years ago, and I’m afraid our going away party in Michigan won’t be quite as good. Hopefully our “welcome back” party in DC next month will make up for it.
BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON
BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON
BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON
BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON
BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON
You know, I was just thinking, it’s been three years since went to one of the best parties I’ve ever been to. Almost exactly three years ago, we were preparing to leave DC for the northern wastes of Detroit, Canada. So our great friends in the current snow capitol (well, actual Capitol, too, I suppose) of the country threw a pretty great going away party. There was karaoke and some of it was even custom written for us! There were some beers, some scrapbooking, some kids.
It’s kind of hard for me to believe that it was three years ago that we left. That’s half my son’s life (almost)! Hell, my daughter has NEVER been there and she’s almost a year old. I feel like this post is getting a little melancholy, so I’d better wrap it up (in Bacon, so it’s more delicious).
Anyway, it was a great party three years ago, and I’m afraid our going away party in Michigan won’t be quite as good. Hopefully our “welcome back” party in DC next month will make up for it.
BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON
BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON
BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Earth Day 2008: The Phantom Menace
Did you know that today is Earth Day 2008? Well, I did. I remember because somewhere in my brain I've stored the fact that April 22nd is the day that I'm supposed to care about the earth The Earth. It's a lot like Grandparents' Day except that I remember when Earth Day is.
Anyway, I wanted to show The Earth that I cared, so I gave him/her (The Earth is creepily androgynous, kind of like a horribly stereotyped "goth" teenager. Actually, exactly like a nonexistent stereotype of a "goth" teenager.) a call.
The Earth: Hello?
Me: Hello? The Earth?
The Earth: Yeah, what do you want.
Me: Oh, nothing really. How are you doing.
The Earth: How am I doing? Do you even need to ask? I would think that in your superb understanding you would know that my soul is full of a rainy miasma.
Me: I see. I hate those miasmas. Well, I just wanted to let you know that I care about you, okay?
The Earth: You don't care about me! Nobody cares about me! The world is a vampire slowly sucking my lifeblood. Nobody understands my magick or my rainy soul. I hate you.
Me: Okay, talk to you later.
The Earth: .....
Me: Goodbye.
The Earth: Can I have $50?
Me: Goodbye. *click*. Damn teenagers.
So there you have it. A totally worthless experience. Maybe I'll try back in again in a couple billion years. The Earth has a lot of growing up to do right now.
P.S. Did you know that if you stopped eating meat, started growing food in your own garden, started biking to work/school, used a clothesline instead of a dryer, changed all your light bulbs to CFLs, and started wearing sweaters because you turned your heat down to 60 instead of 70 it would make exactly zero difference to The Earth?
Not that I'm saying not to do those things. I mean, I'm even doing some of them. Just don't think they're going to make any kind of a difference.
Anyway, I wanted to show The Earth that I cared, so I gave him/her (The Earth is creepily androgynous, kind of like a horribly stereotyped "goth" teenager. Actually, exactly like a nonexistent stereotype of a "goth" teenager.) a call.
The Earth: Hello?
Me: Hello? The Earth?
The Earth: Yeah, what do you want.
Me: Oh, nothing really. How are you doing.
The Earth: How am I doing? Do you even need to ask? I would think that in your superb understanding you would know that my soul is full of a rainy miasma.
Me: I see. I hate those miasmas. Well, I just wanted to let you know that I care about you, okay?
The Earth: You don't care about me! Nobody cares about me! The world is a vampire slowly sucking my lifeblood. Nobody understands my magick or my rainy soul. I hate you.
Me: Okay, talk to you later.
The Earth: .....
Me: Goodbye.
The Earth: Can I have $50?
Me: Goodbye. *click*. Damn teenagers.
So there you have it. A totally worthless experience. Maybe I'll try back in again in a couple billion years. The Earth has a lot of growing up to do right now.
P.S. Did you know that if you stopped eating meat, started growing food in your own garden, started biking to work/school, used a clothesline instead of a dryer, changed all your light bulbs to CFLs, and started wearing sweaters because you turned your heat down to 60 instead of 70 it would make exactly zero difference to The Earth?
Not that I'm saying not to do those things. I mean, I'm even doing some of them. Just don't think they're going to make any kind of a difference.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
List Tuesday: Why is the World in Love Again?
Things I Would Like to Do and Even Imagine Myself Doing But Probably Will Not Do On My Last Day Of Work In DC Tomorrow
- Moo like a cow as we all move like cows off the train and onto the escalator to our untimely demise
- Meet the Press
- Sing songs from the Rocky Horror soundtrack out loud on the train
- Dress like Dr. Frank N. Furter on the train*
- Spend all day reading the whole internet
- Hire a barbershop quartet to sing a goodbye song to my office
- Talk to Charles one more time
- Do some serious shreddin'
- Eat some pie
- Not miss anybody here in DC
- Write a Goodbye, You Stupid City post on Why.I.Hate.DC (you there Rusty?)
*After telling this joke I always like to clarify that I'm only kidding. I believe tomorrow will result in the average amount of desire to dress up in fishnet stockings etc. If you were to do a "dressing up in fishnet stockings etc desire test" tomorrow, my name would be right in the middle.
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