List Tuesday: Peri-haptic Haploid Edition

Words I Would Like To Someday Use In Context Correctly

1. Absquatulate *
2. brimborion*
3. claviger*
4. dipnoous*
5. enchorial
6. facinorous*
7. gledge*
8. holmgang*
9. irremeable*
10. jactancy*
11. kilderkin*
12. littoral
13. muricate*
14. nidorous*
15. ochlesis*
16. palilogy*
17. quadrennial
18. recumbentibus*
19. sardanapalian*
20. tripsis*
21. urgrund*
22. vigesimation*
23. wittol**
24. xertz*
25. yare
26. zocle*

*Not an actual word cccording to The Word (MS)
**I do not want to this to be used in context of me

You Might Remember a Little Thing Called THE FRENCH JEAN SHORT REVOLUTION!

At this most wonderful time of the year, I often like to recollect things. Last year I tried recollecting all the 1987 Topps baseball cards, but then I remembered that collecting things is pretty lame, let alone REcollecting.

So I decided to reminisce instead. It was way more satisfying. I reminisced so much that I threw my back cortex out! First I reminisced about ye olden times when I used to wear jean shorts. That was pretty cool. Then I reminisced about The Dark Ages (birth - 4), but that didn’t take very long. It turns out that all my memories from that period are actually just photographs. I guess you could say I have a 100% photographic memory of those ages!

Finally, I reminisced about Saturday when I took los kids (that's Mexican for "the kids") to the Henry Ford Museum. They had this Lego Castle Adventure exhibit that had big ol’ bins of Lego bricks for any/everyone to dig their hands into and build stuff with. In retrospect (which is what reminiscing is all about), these bins seem like a bad idea. Unless Lego bricks are naturally self-disinfecting. In retrospect, I’m pretty sure they are not.

Bad Photoetry Thursday: IT'S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!

Hieroglyphic Heliotropes

The Hourglass

A Winter's Tale

Post-Modern Uncertainty and Its Implications

One of the biggest mysteries in all of science is the Heisenberg uncertainty principle. It speaks directly to the post-modern paradigm in that nothing can be known completely. An even bigger mystery in science is: Did Werner Von Heisenberg ever complete his cat-in-a-box experiment, or was he just messing with us? Is there, somewhere lost to science, a box with a possibly immortal cat in it? Because, if that box has never been opened and the cat actually is alive and not a superposition of alive and dead, that seems like a pretty big deal. I mean IMMORTAL CATS!! It’s possible that the box is also in fact traveling at or near the speed of light, so time dilation would mean that the cat might actually be older than the age of the known universe.



If this is true, what are the implications for humankind? Some have said that it is a strong possibility that this immortal light-speed cat is actually God’s avatar in the human consciousness. But that’s basically a BS theory. Others have said that the cat is just a Cat God, and not an actual God and that icanhazcheezburger.com is a sacrilegious slap in the face to all box-believing cats because the light-speed box Cat God actually speaks the King’s English better than Dickens. Finally, others have placed upon the shoulders of this light-speed cat-in-a-box the blame for the most evil thing in the known universe. That thing is jean shorts, and if this is true, the time-dilating cat-speed light-box must be real because Heisenberg could never have believed that clothing could be both short and made from denim at the same time. It’s just too stupid.

In Which I Don't Know

So, the other day I’m just sitting around, shopping for jean shorts online, when all of a sudden I realize that nobody wears jean shorts in Michigan in December. I mean, it’s just stupid. Then I remembered that I was supposed to be shopping for jeans, which makes a whole lot more sense. Then I remembered that this is the CHRISTMAS SEASON and that means if you shop for your self at this time of year you are either A) a selfish scrooge or B) forgetful and you forgot that it gets cold in December and you need some long pants but you already turned all your jeans into jean shorts because it was hot a couple of months ago. I won’t tell you what category I fall into.

Anyway, the point of the story is this: I bought some jeans and then turned them into jean shorts! Again! I guess it’s just habit by now. I don’t even remember doing it, but I do have a cut on my knee, apparently from scissors.

I guess the moral of THAT story is this: Imagine a bear lost in the city. Now imagine the bear wandering around inside a Nieman Marcus Outlet. First, the bear stumbles into the menswear section and finds himself a nice silk tie, a monocle and a fine Italian worsted wool suit. He completes the look with a dashing beret and a pair of Ugg boots. Next, he saunters over to the knick-knack section and eats 4 packages of hard-boiled eggs another customer left there on accident. Then, the bear rambles into the women’s lounge, sits down on the couch for about 10 minutes, gets up, washes his hands and walks back to the menswear section. He realizes that he looks ridiculous in his human finery, so he takes it all off. Now, standing unclad in the Nieman Marcus Outlet, he stares malevolently around, grabs a pair of jean shorts and walks out, never to be seen again.

I’m just saying, IT’S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!