List Tuesday: You Always Like it Undercover

Sloganish Phrases On Various Products Scattered About My Work Trailer

1. Kills 99.99% of Germs!


2. Coffee's Perfect Mate!


3. New Look, Same Great Taste!


4. With CLENZAIRE: Unique Odor Eliminator!


5. Outperforms Ordinary Paper!!


6. Easy to Insert!


7. Enhanced with Minerals for Taste!


8. The Intelligent System for Carefree Printing!

List Tuesday: I'm Your Charity Case

Potential Purposes Behind Nefarious Chemtrails

1. "To implement the New World Order (NWO) by eliminating society s "useless eaters" and the infirm and/or to reduce the population to a support level for the 'elite'". [source]


2. To block out the sun with the aim of reducing global warming. [source]
   


3. Weather control/cloud control


4. Top Secret Next Generation quantum computing communication encryption technology [source] UPDATE: LINK REMOVED BY DARPA


5. Radar Visualization Project


6. An addictive chemical that makes you crave for it nightly [source]


7. Mind control causing many to purchase vast amounts of gifts and other commercial goods to bestow upon family and friends around December 25th. [source]

If you would like more details on any of these possibilities, please contact me using your personal 128 bit PGP encryption key on my website here. .mil readers will be forbidden, man.

We Take it Day By Day

There comes a time in every man's life in which he must needs pick a conspiracy theory to espouse. That time is now. That man is me. But I don't know what conspiracy theory to believe in. Also, the options aren't looking good.

1. 9/11 Conspiracies: I'm on record as thinking these are a load of internet crap. Literally. I don't believe that they are created by any individual but instead by the internet itself as it continuously devours and digests all that information. 9/11 conspiracies are the sold waste product of that process (aka: poop). MySpace is the liquid waste product.



2. Zionist Global Domination: Historically, the grandaddy of them all, plus believing in it would put me in the same raft as Kareem-Abdul Admindenihajabidad or whatever that Iranian guy is called. He is a world-class conspiratist. Still, it doesn't scream "21st century!!!one!!" loudly enough. More like "16th century."



3. Peak Oil Apocalypticism: Oooh, this one is very appealing. Imminent (but not too close) destruction of our way of life, oil company bashing, middle east involvement, the Bushes, nuclear war, this one really has it all. But I've got no faith in it. There are too many people with too much money riding on this to have it come true. THEY won't let it happen.



4. AIDS was created in a Lab to control the black population. By the CIA: Patently absurd. Which makes it a perfect conspiracy actually. Nah, too weird for my tastes. And too loaded with racial stuff. I'm on record as not believing in the existence of races.



5. The Moon Landing Never Happened, Man: If there hadn't been a movie (starring The Juice, by the way) made about something really similar, this would be it. But there was. So it's not.



6. The Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy: You know, how all all airplane manufacturers make the right wing slightly heavier than the left which in turn actually affects the rotation of the earth so that more sunlight hours are given to solar power stations run by Halliburton.



7. Chemtrails: Yep. This is it. I will become a dyed-in-the-wool chemtrail apologist. What's not to like?
   
   
   • Chemicals of unknown origin and purpose? CHECK
   
   
   • Potential mind control by powers unknown? CHECK
   
   
   • Involvement by the Japanese mafia, also known as the Yakuza? PROBABLY
   
   
   • Wikipedia entry to which I can point unbelievers (to have them thoroughly convinced that I am definitively wrong? DOUBLE CHECK.
   
   
   • And last, but certainly not least, websites devoted to LETTING THE MASSES SEE FOR THEMSELVES with unsubstantiated rumors/claims and only slightly modified pictures? CHECK MATE!
   
   

Also, please note that I am done delaying the obvious (thanks Rusty) in that my next twelve (inclusive of this one) post titles will be quotations from GnR's fantastic Appetite for Destruction album